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ashinaeOpen Wounds
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cruisedirector & ashinae
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape
Summary: "Did you invite me here just so you can talk about your latest conquest?"
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters; J.K. Rowling does. They just tell us what they want to do.
Notes: Part four of the Lucius/Snape story arc prequel to the Tea and Chocolate (Lupin/Snape) series. Previous three parts are Taboo, Initiation and Surrender.
Open Wounds
For the past ten days, the Snapes had had extended family visiting. Severus' aunt -- his mother's sister -- and uncle and cousins lived in France. The children, four of them, three girls and a boy, were between the ages of six and sixteen. The oldest two attended Beauxbatons. They were all plain-looking, but wore much nicer robes than their cousin did. In fact, the family was much better-off than the Snapes, and Severus suspected that his aunt decided to pay her sister a call once every few years simply to make sure no one had forgotten this fact.
Severus' cousins were intolerable, loud, obnoxious brats. They came into Severus' room uninvited. In fact, on their first day visiting, Severus had needed to run to Diagon Alley to buy a few books; when he returned, he went immediately up to his room to put his purchases away, and could tell instantly that they had gone into his room while he had been out. He was only two years older than the oldest brat, and he was simply appalled by the girl's behaviour, and the fact that she encouraged her brother and sisters so much.
After three days, Severus took to putting four locking charms on his door, thanking God, Merlin, and the Ministry of Magic for the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry. Of course, he was still fairly suspicious. The behaviour he had seen from his cousins over the past fifteen years did not give Severus much hope in the idea that they would respect the decree, so he made sure also to set a few traps.
After four days, Severus realised two things: he was never having children, and he desperately needed a job that paid enough to let him move out.
A rainy, dreary Thursday afternoon saw Severus holed up in his room, trying to read and ignore the shrieks of the youngest of the two children as they were doing something that involved a great deal of running, jumping around, and screeching. There was a tapping at his window, and he glanced up to see a very wet owl hovering outside. He set his book down and opened the window, letting the bird perch on the window sill.
The letter was from Lucius Malfoy; Severus recognised the seal instantly. He opened the letter and read it quickly -- Lucius wanted to see him on Friday night, as his parents were leaving for Egypt on Friday afternoon. He wanted to know if Severus would be able to get away for a few days. As Severus picked up a quill to write a response, accepting the offer, his mind was racing through possible reasons he could come up with to get his parents to, at the very least, not resort to anger and threats that he would leave whilst family was visiting.
He approached his father, who told him to go, enjoy himself, and that he'd talk to Severus' mother -- saying all of this with a glance in the direction of the other room, where the youngest children were playing a very loud game -- and an expression that might have been something akin to envy. Severus spent the afternoon in a fairly good mood, knowing that the next day, he'd get away from there, and hopefully by the time he returned, the extended family would be gone.
And then all hell broke loose at dinnertime.
His mother wasn't angry with him for wanting to leave. Secretly, Severus knew she understood, and probably felt the same way his father did. His uncle immediately started to drown himself in wine, and his aunt was obviously very deeply offended -- she let them all know in no uncertain terms how rude it was of Severus to leave when she was offering to take them all for dinner tomorrow night. He would almost bet that she was jealous that Severus, of all people, was friends with a Malfoy. Then the children started into it, loudly complaining that it just wasn't fair that Severus got to go somewhere when they were stuck here.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, Severus grabbed his plate and finished his dinner in the kitchen, then escaped out to the garden to water it and pull weeds. When his cousins were suddenly outside, he escaped back into the kitchen where he set about scrubbing the plates by hand in desperate hope for privacy. When they came streaming into the kitchen from outside, he grabbed his wand, set a charm on everything so that it would all clean itself, and fled up to his room.
He barely slept that night; the youngest two refused to go to bed until well past midnight, and then one, then the other, was awake and stomping around like an impressive herd of elephants at various times until well past five in the morning. They were both awake again at eight o'clock and, after sighing the sigh of the eternally aggravated, Severus made it into the bathroom to wash before anyone else could steal it and spend hours doing god knows what.
Breakfast was a torturous affair; Severus and the other adults sat in stony silence as the children argued with each other about something ridiculous -- about whether strawberry or raspberry jam was better. Afterwards, the children all fled into the garden, the adults wandered off to not talk to each other, and Severus charmed the dishes and pans to wash themselves before heading to his room to pack an overnight bag.
Somehow, through sheer force of will perhaps, Severus managed to survive until afternoon.
*
When he arrived at the Malfoy estate, a house elf told Severus that Lucius was in the kitchen, and took his bag to put it in Lucius' room. Briefly, Severus wondered if the house elves ever talked about their master's behaviour, but he dismissed this thought fairly quickly as he headed back towards the kitchen.
Lucius was standing at one of the large windows, staring out into the garden. "I'm glad you could come," he said, before Severus could even greet him.
Severus stepped up next to him. "I'm glad to get away," he says. "I have--"
"I had the most lovely evening last night," Lucius said, not looking at him. "Narcissa and I went to the opera, and do you know, she is really very knowledgeable about music. Also a lovely dresser."
Severus blinked several times, staring at him.
"I think that when Narcissa and I are married," Lucius continued, "I'll have the gardens redone. We could get married here. It would be an excuse to get rid of all these dreadful tapestries of Mother's and replace them with something more to my liking."
As Lucius kept surveying the land outside, Severus stepped back and went to lean against one of the counters, crossing his arms. "Is this why you asked me to come?"
Lucius finally turned and looked at him. "I beg your pardon?"
"Did you invite me here just so you can talk about your latest conquest?" Severus hadn't slept properly in days; he was tired, and he had a headache, and he was not in the mood to listen to these sorts of things. He put one hand on the edge of the counter, curling his fingers around it tightly. His elbow bumped a teacup and saucer.
"Of course I didn't," Lucius said after a moment. Then suddenly his lips twisted, in a little smile. "Why, Severus, don't tell me you're jealous."
"Jealous?" Severus echoed, his voice rather quiet. "Why in the world would I be jealous?" He moved his hand back, and his fingers curled around the teacup. "You can stick your prick wherever you bloody well please!"
Lucius blinked as the teacup sailed through the air and crashed at the floor by his feet. "Well, of course I can," he said calmly, "but that doesn't answer my question. Does it bother you?"
"Why the fuck--" the saucer hit the floor; "should I care--" and another nearby plate; "what you do at all?"
Lucius remained standing exactly where he was, staring at Severus as any and all china near the younger man began to crash down onto the floor between them. One eyebrow was arched, and his eyes registered some surprise at this sudden outburst, but he said nothing.
"In fact," Severus was yelling, "you can fuck anyone you want, fucking go anywhere you fucking want, do anything you fucking want because that is just how it bloody well is, and you know, you can tell me to go the hell away whenever you please, or even tell me that you don't want to see me anymore, because that's just how it fucking is!"
He stopped as his hand, which was bleeding, groped around and could find nothing more to throw. He glanced back and noted that, indeed, the countertop was empty. He turned back, and watched as Lucius took a careful inventory of Severus, his bleeding hand, the counter, and the mess on the floor.
"Would you like me to unlock the cabinets so you can start on the china in there? Or perhaps," Lucius said, "you would like to break my mother's tea set?"
Severus reached out and grabbed a napkin to wrap around his hand, blood seeping through the thin white material rather quickly. "You can piss in your mother's tea set."
Lucius rolled his eyes and gingerly stepped through the broken china to reach the counters, opening a drawer and rummaging about in it. "Do you feel better now?"
"Oh, yes," Severus said, "I've always wanted to bleed to death."
After he pulled a small jar and a box from the drawer, Lucius stepped over to Severus and took him by the elbow, leading him over to the table.
"If you'd let me get my wand, I could fix this in a fucking minute," Severus said.
"Just sit down." Lucius pushed down on Severus' shoulder, forcing him to sit, and pulled a chair over to sit in front of him. "I'll see what I can do for you. I'm sure that hurts like hell, and a little bit of this, and then a charm, should make it heal properly, rather than quickly."
"Yes, it does hurt." As he sat, adrenaline receding, Severus suddenly realised just how painful it actually was. A wave of nausea swept over him, leaving tears burning his eyes. He wished Lucius would stop touching him.
Carefully, Lucius unwrapped the napkin from around Severus' hand, dropping the fabric to the floor for an elf to clean when they came out of hiding at some point. He opened the jar and, holding Severus' hand in his, started to spread the ointment over the numerous cuts. "And I'm sure this stings, too, but you see how deep some of these are? It's best to be cautious, Severus, neither of us is a particularly proficient healer. I know this works quickly, and efficiently. It was always kept around in case there wasn't a wand nearby, for whatever reason. Usually when my parents were arguing and my mother was hurling plates at my father's head."
Severus' hand was shaking and his breath uneven. He was startled by the thought of Mrs Malfoy throwing plates -- and of Lucius having to witness it. He remembered too many arguments by his own parents, and simply could not believe that Lucius Malfoy was someone who might have had similar pathetic memories of crying in a corner. Lucius would surely have been above that sort of thing.
The ointment felt like it had set his hand on fire, and he didn't dare to speak.
"I always knew when they were going to have a row," Lucius said softly, carefully turning Severus' hand and inspecting his work. "And so did they. They used to give me their wands and tell me to go up to my room and wait for it to be over. I'd sit on the top of the stairs to the second floor and listen to them. I suppose on some level, they actually do like each other if they've never yet done anything dreadful to one another." Nodding in satisfaction, he closed the jar, and opened the box to pull out some bandages to wrap around Severus' hand. When he finished, he got up and went to wash off his fingers.
They had given their child their wands to make sure they didn't do serious damage to one another? Severus was horrified by this. His own parents had shouted and occasionally destroyed furniture but he didn't think they had even considered using spells on one another, at least not seriously enough for it to be a threat. No wonder Lucius had no interest in any sort of intimacy with his future wife, or anyone else. Severus sat and rubbed the wrist below his throbbing hand, unsure whether it was safe to speak, nor what he would even want to say.
Lucius dried his hands and filled a glass with water before returning to the table. He gave Severus a little smile and sat down again. "Does it feel any better yet?" he asked, reaching for Severus' hand again. He lifted it to his mouth, and pressed a kiss to the inside of Severus' wrist.
Severus' hand trembled violently against Lucius' lips, and the sound of surprise that escaped his own lips was suspiciously like a cry. He turned his face away, but Lucius' other hand came up to make Severus look at him. "Severus," he said softly, and leaned forward to kiss him, gently. Unable to resist, he held absolutely still, hoping desperately that Lucius would pull away and use a spell on his hand. When it became apparent that the other man was not leaving, he tried to make himself pull back, but the hand that reached up to remove Lucius' fingers from his face someone ended up pressing them there and he kissed Lucius back far more aggressively, open-mouthed and needy.
Carefully Lucius pulled Severus to his feet, still kissing him, and Severus just let him -- hardly having any choice in the matter -- though he was still somewhat dizzy. He had to lean against Severus for support, but Lucius didn't seem to mind, holding him against his chest. Someone's heart was pounding, and Severus was startled to discover that it was not his own. He squeezed Lucius' hand, pushing his tongue past Lucius' lips to explore his mouth. They started to move awkwardly through the kitchen, cautious to put their feet on spots not covered in bits of shattered plates. This was extraordinarily difficult, but they were both stubborn, unwilling to let go or stop kissing. Severus wasn't getting enough oxygen, as his nose was congested from -- not tears, sinus pressure perhaps -- and he could not tear his mouth away long enough to breathe.
Lucius stumbled a bit, colliding back first with the doorframe. His arms tightened around Severus, steadying him, and guided him out into the hallway before finally breaking the kiss. He stroked Severus' cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Upstairs?" he asked breathlessly.
Severus moaned at the lack of contact and could only nod and hope that Lucius could get him up the stairs before he collapsed. He had no idea what Lucius was thinking at this point, nor did he care. Lucius continued to hold him as best he could, stealing the occasional kiss as he helped him up the stairs and into his room. He urged Severus down onto the bed, leaning over him to kiss him again. "I should get out my wand," he said softly, but made no move actually to do that.
Severus had forgotten all about his hand, which still throbbed but didn't seem nearly as urgent as aches elsewhere. He pulled Lucius down on top of him, wrapping a leg over his calves to stop Lucius from pulling back, and groaned as he dragged him into another kiss. Lucius didn't pull back; instead he moaned softly into Severus' mouth and pressed up alongside him. "Severus, what do you want?" he whispered, ducking his head to taste Severus' neck.
He would have begged Lucius to fuck him, but that would have taken too long; he would have had to find oil or ointment and prepare him, find a position that wouldn't have put pressure on Severus' aching hand and arm. He decided he wanted Lucius in his mouth, to show him that no matter what anyone else could do for him, none of them did it with the enthusiasm that he, Severus, brought to the task. And he wanted to feel Lucius' mouth on him as well, something he knew Lucius would never do for any of the others -- not even, perhaps, the women. It was all too much to put into words, though, when his thoughts were so scattered. "I want… suck me… come in my mouth…" he tried to explain.
Lucius kissed Severus one more time -- a long, slow kiss, his tongue sliding over Severus' as he stroked his neck and cheek. When he pulled away, he said, "Anything," in a low voice, and rose from the bed to drop his robes to the floor. Severus tried to remove his own clothes, but the bandage on his aching hand made him clumsy and he didn't want to look away from Lucius as he watched him undress. His body was magnificent, and when he crawled onto the bed again, it was almost too much. He knelt at Severus' side and undressed him -- fingers trailing over exposed flesh as he occasionally leaned forward to kiss and lick in the wake of his fingers. His hands shook a little, and he was breathless, and for a brief, exhilarating moment, Severus realised that Lucius really wanted to do this.
"Please -- now," Severus begged, not caring how it must have sounded.
"Shh," Lucius soothed, stroking Severus' face and kissing him again. Then he gently urged Severus onto his side and stretched out next to him, facing the opposite direction. Severus' cock was dripping fluid already; he could feel it on his own skin before Lucius leaned forward and licked it away with the tip of his tongue.
Severus grabbed Lucius much more roughly than he intended and swallowed much more of his cock than was comfortable, but he couldn't help it; he was going to come, fast, and absolutely refused not to show Lucius why he was worth keeping around beforehand. He repressed his impulse to gag by sheer will, gulping around the thick shaft as he tried to move his tongue enticingly, his non-bandaged hand coming up to stroke Lucius' balls. Lucius gasped and cursed colourfully in between licking Severus' cock. "If you -- Severus!" he gasped.
Of course, Severus could not respond; it took all his concentration just to breathe, to force down the overwhelming urge to expel the foreign object from his throat. He was so tense that he managed not to come when Lucius licked him again, though his cock throbbed dangerously in the other man's face. He let the cock slide slowly between his lips before forcing it down again, squeezing his fingers harder than he meant to. This time Lucius yelped.
"Severus, you -- I can't --" Lucius groaned, loudly, then took Severus' cock into his own mouth, sucking insistently. And Severus could not hold on; he couldn't even groan a warning, though he slid his mouth down Lucius' cock enough to prevent himself from suffocating as he filled Lucius' mouth with come, pumping it in uncontrolled jerks of his hips. He could not remember ever having come so hard; later he would wonder whether this was why people practiced autoerotic asphyxiation. Now he could only think of Lucius.
He couldn't make his throat close around Lucius with the same pressure as before, even though Lucius' fingers were squeezing his hip. His throat would not allow the intrusion again, but he moved his bandaged hand onto the shaft and began to pump in the opposite direction from his mouth, sliding the fingers of his other hand behind Lucius' balls to the exquisitely sensitive spot just above the perineum. There were groans still caught in his vocal chords, pressed down by Lucius' cock, but he forced them into silence, concentrating.
Lucius groaned, shuddered, and his hips jerked helplessly towards Severus. He wrapped an arm around Severus' thighs and held on, thrusting shallowly into his mouth. Another groan and his fingers gripped Severus' thigh. Severus thought he heard Lucius say his name, or part of it, when he began to spurt hot fluid against the roof of his mouth and down his throat. He tried to swallow it all but the irritated tissue of his tonsils rebelled and much spilled back onto Lucius' skin, from which he licked it, slowly and carefully, which had Lucius spasming against him.
Lucius lay there, moaning softly and shuddering for a few moments before his grip eventually loosened on Severus' leg. His fingers trailed lightly over Severus' skin, which felt a little tender. It took several lazy moments before either of them moved; eventually Lucius pulled away enough to squirm around and settle down on the pillow next to Severus, glancing over at him. He was smiling. "You should throw things at me more often," Lucius said.
Severus did not want to speak; he was unsure what to say to that, unsure about Lucius' earlier revelations about his parents, and wondered if perhaps Lucius had treated him badly because it had simply never occurred to him to do otherwise, and thought that these were the ridiculous thoughts of an overwrought mind. He closed his eyes to the warm smile, swallowing, hoping that Lucius would simply let him lie there with their shoulders touching.
Instead, Lucius stretched lazily, and then rolled onto his side again, pressed up against Severus' body. His fingers traced little patterns on Severus' belly, tickling, making Severus squirm. He suddenly didn't know why he felt obligated to lie still, to wait for Lucius to make decisions about what they would do next and what he could get away with. He rolled, sliding an arm around Lucius' waist and letting his face rest beneath Lucius' chin. There was a brief moment, and then Lucius let out a soft humming noise and relaxed against Severus' body, slipping an arm around his back.
Severus said nothing. If they were to talk, he would have to try to figure out what Lucius meant as opposed to what he said. If he could convince him to lie there until Lucius had recovered enough to fuck him, if his hand didn't bleed through the bandages and all over Lucius' thick soft sheets, perhaps they could pretend the events of the afternoon hadn't happened.
"Is your hand all right?" Lucius asked, softly, fingers tracing slowly up and down Severus' spine.
"Yes," Severus lied. He would say nothing that might have made Lucius get up from the bed, remember his wand and his position and his power and never come back to where he was at that moment, casually running his hand over Severus' skin.
"Oh, good." Lucius sighed softly, pressing a little closer. "I don't really think I want to get up right now."
Severus slid one of his legs between Lucius' and moved his arms further around him. Lucius' hair was falling over his shoulder, against his cheek, and he liked the curtain it made between him and the rest of the room. Lucius murmured something unintelligible, resting his cheek against the top of Severus' head. He sounded almost pleased and content. Lucius' skin was damp where they pressed together, but his skin was cool and the nipple Severus could see was stiff, surrounded by wiry hair erect on gooseflesh. It was perfect, Severus thought, the way Lucius' hair was perfect, the way Lucius' skin was perfect, and then he didn't want to think anymore about things that were loans rather than gifts and whether it was worth touching things that might be pulled away.
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"I'm -- you'll tell me if your hand starts to hurt again."
"I will?" That was entirely the wrong tone to take. "I will."
"Good. I--don't want you to be uncomfortable." His hand slid down Severus' back, and rested on his hip. "If they can't be repaired using any charms, I'm going to have to replace those plates."
Fuck, Severus thought. He tensed, thinking of the time and expense and all the trouble he had caused. Didn't "Reparo" work well enough on china? He started to pull away, thinking that he left his wand in his robes.
"Though I am quite sure that I can fix them," Lucius added. "Or perhaps one of the house elves already has. On the other hand, this might be a good excuse for us to go out for a little while. I could surprise my parents, I suppose, with a new set or two. Those were quite old."
Severus sat up. Now that he had what he wanted, Lucius apparently couldn't wait to get him out of his bed and out of his house. "I should stop my hand from bleeding on your sheets before we have to replace those, too," he said, and began to slip off the mattress.
Lucius reached out and grasped Severus' shoulder, pushing him back down to the bed. "Don't. I'll get it." He got up and retrieved his own wand from his robes, then went into the bathroom.
Severus sat where he had been ordered to remain, examining the bandage covering the gash in his hand. Blood had crusted the edge of the cloth, which was sticking to the skin. It stung; he knew it would sting more when he tried to peel it away.
When Lucius returned from the bathroom, he was carrying a glass of water, which he set on the table beside the bed. He slid back onto the mattress, sitting across from Severus. "Did you want to go out and do something, at some point?" he asked.
That sounded suspiciously like a hint. "Maybe I should just go home," Severus said. "I have family visiting."
There was a long pause, then Lucius said, "Oh."
"Unless, of course, you need help repairing or replacing the plates. I didn't mean to cause trouble with your parents."
"They probably won't need to be replaced," Lucius said. "I just thought it would be an excuse for us to go out. Do something other than fuck for a little while. I thought you must be getting bored of seeing me without my clothes on."
Was Lucius Malfoy fishing for compliments? Severus thought about making a comment about how that would not happen any time this millennium, but after deciding it would be a bad idea, he went with the change of subject. "Where did you think we could go?"
Lucius shrugged a shoulder. "I've no idea, really. It's just… well, I've probably mentioned this before. When we're not having sex, you start to look and sound like you don't want to be here."
"When we're not having sex," Severus said carefully, "you start to look and sound like you don't want me here."
"But I do."
Severus was unsure what to say to that. "Where did you want to go?" he asked again.
"Nowhere. I want to stay here."
"But you said…" Severus felt as if he was being tested yet again, and found to be slower than most. "We were just. I was comfortable. You said you didn't want to get up. And then you…"
"I didn't want to get up, but you said you should get your wand to heal your hand!"
"Not until you said you had to do something about the plates!"
"I will! I didn't mean right this very instant."
"Well, you must have brought it up for a reason."
"I was trying to think of something to say."
"Because you certainly wouldn't want me to think you might be enjoying yourself just lying in bed with me."
Lucius looked down at the blanket. "I was," he said softly.
"Yes," Severus said sarcastically, "that certainly explains why you wanted to remind me that I destroyed your kitchen in a fit of jealousy earlier."
"It was a stupid thing to say," Lucius said. "I shouldn't have."
Severus shut his eyes, not wanting to know why Lucius had taken the conversation in this particular direction. "Are you going to heal my hand, or shall I?"
Lucius silently reached out and took Severus' hand, turning it over so that the palm was facing up. Gently, he removed the bandage, then cast a healing charm, watching the bleeding stop, and the wound heal itself. Severus could still feel the ghost of the cut deep in the skin.
Stroking his thumb over the back of Severus' hand, Lucius said softly, "I'd apologise for this, but you wouldn't believe it." He lifted the hand to his lips. "I'd tell you that you were good -- that you are good -- but you'd think I was lying. Why are you here, Severus?"
Severus looked at Lucius, chiselled features, hair like golden silk, muscles that three years of work wouldn't give Severus. "Would you believe me if I said any of those things to you?" he asked in a low voice.
Lucius licked Severus' palm, then nodded slowly.
"Then you must… you know," Severus said. "You know how people look at you. Why do you think I'm here?"
Lucius' voice turned bitter. "Just because… of who I am?"
That startled Severus. "No," he said, "it has nothing to do with your name. It's -- your presence. How you speak, and walk, and carry yourself, your confidence--" Abruptly he realised that he was saying much too much. "Your arrogance, perhaps," he added, but suspected that it was too late to modify the rest.
Lucius considered this for a moment. "Do you mean that?" he asked.
"Well…" Oh, what was the point? "Yes."
Lucius' free hand cupped the back of Severus' neck as he leaned closer. "That's why I want you. Here."
"That doesn't put me in the category of -- what did you call the snivelling lemmings…"
"The simpering lapdogs who come to me only because I'm Lucius Malfoy."
"Why is this any better?" Severus demanded.
"Because you don't simper," Lucius replied firmly. "And you're not an idiot. And you--" He paused a moment to think. "You're just different," he said finally. "No matter what I may ever say."
"What is it you want from me, Lucius?" Severus hesitated. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to ask. "From us."
Lucius closed his eyes for a long moment. After opening them again, he tried to speak, but nothing seemed to want to come out. Finally he just looked helplessly at Severus.
"Never mind," Severus murmured.
"I…" Lucius looked away. "When we're not screaming at each other, I do quite enjoy what time we've spent together."
"As you've said, we've done almost nothing but…" Severus gestured at the bed, unwilling to choose a term for the activity.
"Well, yes," Lucius admitted, "but I'm not just talking about the past few times we've seen each other. I meant, since we met."
"Even then. I don't really have any idea what it is you do for work. We don't know very much about one another's lives."
"I really had no idea you wanted to know about my life. You are certainly reluctant to hear about how I'm going to have to get married, or to listen to any details about any social events I attend without you."
Severus blinked a few times. "What did you think I wanted?"
"At the beginning, I thought you were just another boy who was willing to do anything I told him to do. And then, after you started to challenge the things I said or did…" Lucius frowned a little. "Severus, I genuinely had no idea what you wanted from me."
Severus thought that perhaps this was because he had no idea whet he wanted, either. "At the beginning I just wanted the experience," he said. That would come as no surprise to Lucius.
Lucius nodded. "I guessed that much. But, Severus…" He paused again, and took a deep breath. He glanced away. "I do rather enjoy the… challenges."
Severus tried to think about how to respond to that. This was a man who had erased his memories. He wasn't sure what challenges Lucius meant, nor what level of resistance he might have expected. And he also wasn't sure at what point Lucius would simply become bored with him.
"Sometimes," Lucius continued when Severus didn't say anything. "Sometimes, I say or do things because I know they will make you angry. You don't hide that from me and," Lucius traced the lines on Severus' hand, "I like that. It excites me."
"You like that," Severus echoed blankly. "That I get angry."
"Yes. That probably makes me a rather twisted person, doesn't it?"
"Did you like me smashing all your mother's china?" Severus countered.
"That went much further than I expected it to."
"Oh, you didn't expect that I might just… snap, one day?"
"I never thought that far ahead."
"It didn't occur to you that I might resent hearing about the woman you plan to--" Severus took a deep breath. "It didn't occur to you that you might succeed in making me truly angry?"
"No, Severus, it didn't."
"Why not?"
"I suppose I never really thought about it."
Severus thought for a moment. "I suppose it was a good thing that I reached for a teacup and not for my wand."
"Yes, Severus," Lucius said, and kissed the palm of his hand, "I should say so."
Authors:
cruisedirector & ashinaeFandom: Harry Potter
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape
Summary: "Did you invite me here just so you can talk about your latest conquest?"
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters; J.K. Rowling does. They just tell us what they want to do.
Notes: Part four of the Lucius/Snape story arc prequel to the Tea and Chocolate (Lupin/Snape) series. Previous three parts are Taboo, Initiation and Surrender.
For the past ten days, the Snapes had had extended family visiting. Severus' aunt -- his mother's sister -- and uncle and cousins lived in France. The children, four of them, three girls and a boy, were between the ages of six and sixteen. The oldest two attended Beauxbatons. They were all plain-looking, but wore much nicer robes than their cousin did. In fact, the family was much better-off than the Snapes, and Severus suspected that his aunt decided to pay her sister a call once every few years simply to make sure no one had forgotten this fact.
Severus' cousins were intolerable, loud, obnoxious brats. They came into Severus' room uninvited. In fact, on their first day visiting, Severus had needed to run to Diagon Alley to buy a few books; when he returned, he went immediately up to his room to put his purchases away, and could tell instantly that they had gone into his room while he had been out. He was only two years older than the oldest brat, and he was simply appalled by the girl's behaviour, and the fact that she encouraged her brother and sisters so much.
After three days, Severus took to putting four locking charms on his door, thanking God, Merlin, and the Ministry of Magic for the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry. Of course, he was still fairly suspicious. The behaviour he had seen from his cousins over the past fifteen years did not give Severus much hope in the idea that they would respect the decree, so he made sure also to set a few traps.
After four days, Severus realised two things: he was never having children, and he desperately needed a job that paid enough to let him move out.
A rainy, dreary Thursday afternoon saw Severus holed up in his room, trying to read and ignore the shrieks of the youngest of the two children as they were doing something that involved a great deal of running, jumping around, and screeching. There was a tapping at his window, and he glanced up to see a very wet owl hovering outside. He set his book down and opened the window, letting the bird perch on the window sill.
The letter was from Lucius Malfoy; Severus recognised the seal instantly. He opened the letter and read it quickly -- Lucius wanted to see him on Friday night, as his parents were leaving for Egypt on Friday afternoon. He wanted to know if Severus would be able to get away for a few days. As Severus picked up a quill to write a response, accepting the offer, his mind was racing through possible reasons he could come up with to get his parents to, at the very least, not resort to anger and threats that he would leave whilst family was visiting.
He approached his father, who told him to go, enjoy himself, and that he'd talk to Severus' mother -- saying all of this with a glance in the direction of the other room, where the youngest children were playing a very loud game -- and an expression that might have been something akin to envy. Severus spent the afternoon in a fairly good mood, knowing that the next day, he'd get away from there, and hopefully by the time he returned, the extended family would be gone.
And then all hell broke loose at dinnertime.
His mother wasn't angry with him for wanting to leave. Secretly, Severus knew she understood, and probably felt the same way his father did. His uncle immediately started to drown himself in wine, and his aunt was obviously very deeply offended -- she let them all know in no uncertain terms how rude it was of Severus to leave when she was offering to take them all for dinner tomorrow night. He would almost bet that she was jealous that Severus, of all people, was friends with a Malfoy. Then the children started into it, loudly complaining that it just wasn't fair that Severus got to go somewhere when they were stuck here.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, Severus grabbed his plate and finished his dinner in the kitchen, then escaped out to the garden to water it and pull weeds. When his cousins were suddenly outside, he escaped back into the kitchen where he set about scrubbing the plates by hand in desperate hope for privacy. When they came streaming into the kitchen from outside, he grabbed his wand, set a charm on everything so that it would all clean itself, and fled up to his room.
He barely slept that night; the youngest two refused to go to bed until well past midnight, and then one, then the other, was awake and stomping around like an impressive herd of elephants at various times until well past five in the morning. They were both awake again at eight o'clock and, after sighing the sigh of the eternally aggravated, Severus made it into the bathroom to wash before anyone else could steal it and spend hours doing god knows what.
Breakfast was a torturous affair; Severus and the other adults sat in stony silence as the children argued with each other about something ridiculous -- about whether strawberry or raspberry jam was better. Afterwards, the children all fled into the garden, the adults wandered off to not talk to each other, and Severus charmed the dishes and pans to wash themselves before heading to his room to pack an overnight bag.
Somehow, through sheer force of will perhaps, Severus managed to survive until afternoon.
*
When he arrived at the Malfoy estate, a house elf told Severus that Lucius was in the kitchen, and took his bag to put it in Lucius' room. Briefly, Severus wondered if the house elves ever talked about their master's behaviour, but he dismissed this thought fairly quickly as he headed back towards the kitchen.
Lucius was standing at one of the large windows, staring out into the garden. "I'm glad you could come," he said, before Severus could even greet him.
Severus stepped up next to him. "I'm glad to get away," he says. "I have--"
"I had the most lovely evening last night," Lucius said, not looking at him. "Narcissa and I went to the opera, and do you know, she is really very knowledgeable about music. Also a lovely dresser."
Severus blinked several times, staring at him.
"I think that when Narcissa and I are married," Lucius continued, "I'll have the gardens redone. We could get married here. It would be an excuse to get rid of all these dreadful tapestries of Mother's and replace them with something more to my liking."
As Lucius kept surveying the land outside, Severus stepped back and went to lean against one of the counters, crossing his arms. "Is this why you asked me to come?"
Lucius finally turned and looked at him. "I beg your pardon?"
"Did you invite me here just so you can talk about your latest conquest?" Severus hadn't slept properly in days; he was tired, and he had a headache, and he was not in the mood to listen to these sorts of things. He put one hand on the edge of the counter, curling his fingers around it tightly. His elbow bumped a teacup and saucer.
"Of course I didn't," Lucius said after a moment. Then suddenly his lips twisted, in a little smile. "Why, Severus, don't tell me you're jealous."
"Jealous?" Severus echoed, his voice rather quiet. "Why in the world would I be jealous?" He moved his hand back, and his fingers curled around the teacup. "You can stick your prick wherever you bloody well please!"
Lucius blinked as the teacup sailed through the air and crashed at the floor by his feet. "Well, of course I can," he said calmly, "but that doesn't answer my question. Does it bother you?"
"Why the fuck--" the saucer hit the floor; "should I care--" and another nearby plate; "what you do at all?"
Lucius remained standing exactly where he was, staring at Severus as any and all china near the younger man began to crash down onto the floor between them. One eyebrow was arched, and his eyes registered some surprise at this sudden outburst, but he said nothing.
"In fact," Severus was yelling, "you can fuck anyone you want, fucking go anywhere you fucking want, do anything you fucking want because that is just how it bloody well is, and you know, you can tell me to go the hell away whenever you please, or even tell me that you don't want to see me anymore, because that's just how it fucking is!"
He stopped as his hand, which was bleeding, groped around and could find nothing more to throw. He glanced back and noted that, indeed, the countertop was empty. He turned back, and watched as Lucius took a careful inventory of Severus, his bleeding hand, the counter, and the mess on the floor.
"Would you like me to unlock the cabinets so you can start on the china in there? Or perhaps," Lucius said, "you would like to break my mother's tea set?"
Severus reached out and grabbed a napkin to wrap around his hand, blood seeping through the thin white material rather quickly. "You can piss in your mother's tea set."
Lucius rolled his eyes and gingerly stepped through the broken china to reach the counters, opening a drawer and rummaging about in it. "Do you feel better now?"
"Oh, yes," Severus said, "I've always wanted to bleed to death."
After he pulled a small jar and a box from the drawer, Lucius stepped over to Severus and took him by the elbow, leading him over to the table.
"If you'd let me get my wand, I could fix this in a fucking minute," Severus said.
"Just sit down." Lucius pushed down on Severus' shoulder, forcing him to sit, and pulled a chair over to sit in front of him. "I'll see what I can do for you. I'm sure that hurts like hell, and a little bit of this, and then a charm, should make it heal properly, rather than quickly."
"Yes, it does hurt." As he sat, adrenaline receding, Severus suddenly realised just how painful it actually was. A wave of nausea swept over him, leaving tears burning his eyes. He wished Lucius would stop touching him.
Carefully, Lucius unwrapped the napkin from around Severus' hand, dropping the fabric to the floor for an elf to clean when they came out of hiding at some point. He opened the jar and, holding Severus' hand in his, started to spread the ointment over the numerous cuts. "And I'm sure this stings, too, but you see how deep some of these are? It's best to be cautious, Severus, neither of us is a particularly proficient healer. I know this works quickly, and efficiently. It was always kept around in case there wasn't a wand nearby, for whatever reason. Usually when my parents were arguing and my mother was hurling plates at my father's head."
Severus' hand was shaking and his breath uneven. He was startled by the thought of Mrs Malfoy throwing plates -- and of Lucius having to witness it. He remembered too many arguments by his own parents, and simply could not believe that Lucius Malfoy was someone who might have had similar pathetic memories of crying in a corner. Lucius would surely have been above that sort of thing.
The ointment felt like it had set his hand on fire, and he didn't dare to speak.
"I always knew when they were going to have a row," Lucius said softly, carefully turning Severus' hand and inspecting his work. "And so did they. They used to give me their wands and tell me to go up to my room and wait for it to be over. I'd sit on the top of the stairs to the second floor and listen to them. I suppose on some level, they actually do like each other if they've never yet done anything dreadful to one another." Nodding in satisfaction, he closed the jar, and opened the box to pull out some bandages to wrap around Severus' hand. When he finished, he got up and went to wash off his fingers.
They had given their child their wands to make sure they didn't do serious damage to one another? Severus was horrified by this. His own parents had shouted and occasionally destroyed furniture but he didn't think they had even considered using spells on one another, at least not seriously enough for it to be a threat. No wonder Lucius had no interest in any sort of intimacy with his future wife, or anyone else. Severus sat and rubbed the wrist below his throbbing hand, unsure whether it was safe to speak, nor what he would even want to say.
Lucius dried his hands and filled a glass with water before returning to the table. He gave Severus a little smile and sat down again. "Does it feel any better yet?" he asked, reaching for Severus' hand again. He lifted it to his mouth, and pressed a kiss to the inside of Severus' wrist.
Severus' hand trembled violently against Lucius' lips, and the sound of surprise that escaped his own lips was suspiciously like a cry. He turned his face away, but Lucius' other hand came up to make Severus look at him. "Severus," he said softly, and leaned forward to kiss him, gently. Unable to resist, he held absolutely still, hoping desperately that Lucius would pull away and use a spell on his hand. When it became apparent that the other man was not leaving, he tried to make himself pull back, but the hand that reached up to remove Lucius' fingers from his face someone ended up pressing them there and he kissed Lucius back far more aggressively, open-mouthed and needy.
Carefully Lucius pulled Severus to his feet, still kissing him, and Severus just let him -- hardly having any choice in the matter -- though he was still somewhat dizzy. He had to lean against Severus for support, but Lucius didn't seem to mind, holding him against his chest. Someone's heart was pounding, and Severus was startled to discover that it was not his own. He squeezed Lucius' hand, pushing his tongue past Lucius' lips to explore his mouth. They started to move awkwardly through the kitchen, cautious to put their feet on spots not covered in bits of shattered plates. This was extraordinarily difficult, but they were both stubborn, unwilling to let go or stop kissing. Severus wasn't getting enough oxygen, as his nose was congested from -- not tears, sinus pressure perhaps -- and he could not tear his mouth away long enough to breathe.
Lucius stumbled a bit, colliding back first with the doorframe. His arms tightened around Severus, steadying him, and guided him out into the hallway before finally breaking the kiss. He stroked Severus' cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Upstairs?" he asked breathlessly.
Severus moaned at the lack of contact and could only nod and hope that Lucius could get him up the stairs before he collapsed. He had no idea what Lucius was thinking at this point, nor did he care. Lucius continued to hold him as best he could, stealing the occasional kiss as he helped him up the stairs and into his room. He urged Severus down onto the bed, leaning over him to kiss him again. "I should get out my wand," he said softly, but made no move actually to do that.
Severus had forgotten all about his hand, which still throbbed but didn't seem nearly as urgent as aches elsewhere. He pulled Lucius down on top of him, wrapping a leg over his calves to stop Lucius from pulling back, and groaned as he dragged him into another kiss. Lucius didn't pull back; instead he moaned softly into Severus' mouth and pressed up alongside him. "Severus, what do you want?" he whispered, ducking his head to taste Severus' neck.
He would have begged Lucius to fuck him, but that would have taken too long; he would have had to find oil or ointment and prepare him, find a position that wouldn't have put pressure on Severus' aching hand and arm. He decided he wanted Lucius in his mouth, to show him that no matter what anyone else could do for him, none of them did it with the enthusiasm that he, Severus, brought to the task. And he wanted to feel Lucius' mouth on him as well, something he knew Lucius would never do for any of the others -- not even, perhaps, the women. It was all too much to put into words, though, when his thoughts were so scattered. "I want… suck me… come in my mouth…" he tried to explain.
Lucius kissed Severus one more time -- a long, slow kiss, his tongue sliding over Severus' as he stroked his neck and cheek. When he pulled away, he said, "Anything," in a low voice, and rose from the bed to drop his robes to the floor. Severus tried to remove his own clothes, but the bandage on his aching hand made him clumsy and he didn't want to look away from Lucius as he watched him undress. His body was magnificent, and when he crawled onto the bed again, it was almost too much. He knelt at Severus' side and undressed him -- fingers trailing over exposed flesh as he occasionally leaned forward to kiss and lick in the wake of his fingers. His hands shook a little, and he was breathless, and for a brief, exhilarating moment, Severus realised that Lucius really wanted to do this.
"Please -- now," Severus begged, not caring how it must have sounded.
"Shh," Lucius soothed, stroking Severus' face and kissing him again. Then he gently urged Severus onto his side and stretched out next to him, facing the opposite direction. Severus' cock was dripping fluid already; he could feel it on his own skin before Lucius leaned forward and licked it away with the tip of his tongue.
Severus grabbed Lucius much more roughly than he intended and swallowed much more of his cock than was comfortable, but he couldn't help it; he was going to come, fast, and absolutely refused not to show Lucius why he was worth keeping around beforehand. He repressed his impulse to gag by sheer will, gulping around the thick shaft as he tried to move his tongue enticingly, his non-bandaged hand coming up to stroke Lucius' balls. Lucius gasped and cursed colourfully in between licking Severus' cock. "If you -- Severus!" he gasped.
Of course, Severus could not respond; it took all his concentration just to breathe, to force down the overwhelming urge to expel the foreign object from his throat. He was so tense that he managed not to come when Lucius licked him again, though his cock throbbed dangerously in the other man's face. He let the cock slide slowly between his lips before forcing it down again, squeezing his fingers harder than he meant to. This time Lucius yelped.
"Severus, you -- I can't --" Lucius groaned, loudly, then took Severus' cock into his own mouth, sucking insistently. And Severus could not hold on; he couldn't even groan a warning, though he slid his mouth down Lucius' cock enough to prevent himself from suffocating as he filled Lucius' mouth with come, pumping it in uncontrolled jerks of his hips. He could not remember ever having come so hard; later he would wonder whether this was why people practiced autoerotic asphyxiation. Now he could only think of Lucius.
He couldn't make his throat close around Lucius with the same pressure as before, even though Lucius' fingers were squeezing his hip. His throat would not allow the intrusion again, but he moved his bandaged hand onto the shaft and began to pump in the opposite direction from his mouth, sliding the fingers of his other hand behind Lucius' balls to the exquisitely sensitive spot just above the perineum. There were groans still caught in his vocal chords, pressed down by Lucius' cock, but he forced them into silence, concentrating.
Lucius groaned, shuddered, and his hips jerked helplessly towards Severus. He wrapped an arm around Severus' thighs and held on, thrusting shallowly into his mouth. Another groan and his fingers gripped Severus' thigh. Severus thought he heard Lucius say his name, or part of it, when he began to spurt hot fluid against the roof of his mouth and down his throat. He tried to swallow it all but the irritated tissue of his tonsils rebelled and much spilled back onto Lucius' skin, from which he licked it, slowly and carefully, which had Lucius spasming against him.
Lucius lay there, moaning softly and shuddering for a few moments before his grip eventually loosened on Severus' leg. His fingers trailed lightly over Severus' skin, which felt a little tender. It took several lazy moments before either of them moved; eventually Lucius pulled away enough to squirm around and settle down on the pillow next to Severus, glancing over at him. He was smiling. "You should throw things at me more often," Lucius said.
Severus did not want to speak; he was unsure what to say to that, unsure about Lucius' earlier revelations about his parents, and wondered if perhaps Lucius had treated him badly because it had simply never occurred to him to do otherwise, and thought that these were the ridiculous thoughts of an overwrought mind. He closed his eyes to the warm smile, swallowing, hoping that Lucius would simply let him lie there with their shoulders touching.
Instead, Lucius stretched lazily, and then rolled onto his side again, pressed up against Severus' body. His fingers traced little patterns on Severus' belly, tickling, making Severus squirm. He suddenly didn't know why he felt obligated to lie still, to wait for Lucius to make decisions about what they would do next and what he could get away with. He rolled, sliding an arm around Lucius' waist and letting his face rest beneath Lucius' chin. There was a brief moment, and then Lucius let out a soft humming noise and relaxed against Severus' body, slipping an arm around his back.
Severus said nothing. If they were to talk, he would have to try to figure out what Lucius meant as opposed to what he said. If he could convince him to lie there until Lucius had recovered enough to fuck him, if his hand didn't bleed through the bandages and all over Lucius' thick soft sheets, perhaps they could pretend the events of the afternoon hadn't happened.
"Is your hand all right?" Lucius asked, softly, fingers tracing slowly up and down Severus' spine.
"Yes," Severus lied. He would say nothing that might have made Lucius get up from the bed, remember his wand and his position and his power and never come back to where he was at that moment, casually running his hand over Severus' skin.
"Oh, good." Lucius sighed softly, pressing a little closer. "I don't really think I want to get up right now."
Severus slid one of his legs between Lucius' and moved his arms further around him. Lucius' hair was falling over his shoulder, against his cheek, and he liked the curtain it made between him and the rest of the room. Lucius murmured something unintelligible, resting his cheek against the top of Severus' head. He sounded almost pleased and content. Lucius' skin was damp where they pressed together, but his skin was cool and the nipple Severus could see was stiff, surrounded by wiry hair erect on gooseflesh. It was perfect, Severus thought, the way Lucius' hair was perfect, the way Lucius' skin was perfect, and then he didn't want to think anymore about things that were loans rather than gifts and whether it was worth touching things that might be pulled away.
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"I'm -- you'll tell me if your hand starts to hurt again."
"I will?" That was entirely the wrong tone to take. "I will."
"Good. I--don't want you to be uncomfortable." His hand slid down Severus' back, and rested on his hip. "If they can't be repaired using any charms, I'm going to have to replace those plates."
Fuck, Severus thought. He tensed, thinking of the time and expense and all the trouble he had caused. Didn't "Reparo" work well enough on china? He started to pull away, thinking that he left his wand in his robes.
"Though I am quite sure that I can fix them," Lucius added. "Or perhaps one of the house elves already has. On the other hand, this might be a good excuse for us to go out for a little while. I could surprise my parents, I suppose, with a new set or two. Those were quite old."
Severus sat up. Now that he had what he wanted, Lucius apparently couldn't wait to get him out of his bed and out of his house. "I should stop my hand from bleeding on your sheets before we have to replace those, too," he said, and began to slip off the mattress.
Lucius reached out and grasped Severus' shoulder, pushing him back down to the bed. "Don't. I'll get it." He got up and retrieved his own wand from his robes, then went into the bathroom.
Severus sat where he had been ordered to remain, examining the bandage covering the gash in his hand. Blood had crusted the edge of the cloth, which was sticking to the skin. It stung; he knew it would sting more when he tried to peel it away.
When Lucius returned from the bathroom, he was carrying a glass of water, which he set on the table beside the bed. He slid back onto the mattress, sitting across from Severus. "Did you want to go out and do something, at some point?" he asked.
That sounded suspiciously like a hint. "Maybe I should just go home," Severus said. "I have family visiting."
There was a long pause, then Lucius said, "Oh."
"Unless, of course, you need help repairing or replacing the plates. I didn't mean to cause trouble with your parents."
"They probably won't need to be replaced," Lucius said. "I just thought it would be an excuse for us to go out. Do something other than fuck for a little while. I thought you must be getting bored of seeing me without my clothes on."
Was Lucius Malfoy fishing for compliments? Severus thought about making a comment about how that would not happen any time this millennium, but after deciding it would be a bad idea, he went with the change of subject. "Where did you think we could go?"
Lucius shrugged a shoulder. "I've no idea, really. It's just… well, I've probably mentioned this before. When we're not having sex, you start to look and sound like you don't want to be here."
"When we're not having sex," Severus said carefully, "you start to look and sound like you don't want me here."
"But I do."
Severus was unsure what to say to that. "Where did you want to go?" he asked again.
"Nowhere. I want to stay here."
"But you said…" Severus felt as if he was being tested yet again, and found to be slower than most. "We were just. I was comfortable. You said you didn't want to get up. And then you…"
"I didn't want to get up, but you said you should get your wand to heal your hand!"
"Not until you said you had to do something about the plates!"
"I will! I didn't mean right this very instant."
"Well, you must have brought it up for a reason."
"I was trying to think of something to say."
"Because you certainly wouldn't want me to think you might be enjoying yourself just lying in bed with me."
Lucius looked down at the blanket. "I was," he said softly.
"Yes," Severus said sarcastically, "that certainly explains why you wanted to remind me that I destroyed your kitchen in a fit of jealousy earlier."
"It was a stupid thing to say," Lucius said. "I shouldn't have."
Severus shut his eyes, not wanting to know why Lucius had taken the conversation in this particular direction. "Are you going to heal my hand, or shall I?"
Lucius silently reached out and took Severus' hand, turning it over so that the palm was facing up. Gently, he removed the bandage, then cast a healing charm, watching the bleeding stop, and the wound heal itself. Severus could still feel the ghost of the cut deep in the skin.
Stroking his thumb over the back of Severus' hand, Lucius said softly, "I'd apologise for this, but you wouldn't believe it." He lifted the hand to his lips. "I'd tell you that you were good -- that you are good -- but you'd think I was lying. Why are you here, Severus?"
Severus looked at Lucius, chiselled features, hair like golden silk, muscles that three years of work wouldn't give Severus. "Would you believe me if I said any of those things to you?" he asked in a low voice.
Lucius licked Severus' palm, then nodded slowly.
"Then you must… you know," Severus said. "You know how people look at you. Why do you think I'm here?"
Lucius' voice turned bitter. "Just because… of who I am?"
That startled Severus. "No," he said, "it has nothing to do with your name. It's -- your presence. How you speak, and walk, and carry yourself, your confidence--" Abruptly he realised that he was saying much too much. "Your arrogance, perhaps," he added, but suspected that it was too late to modify the rest.
Lucius considered this for a moment. "Do you mean that?" he asked.
"Well…" Oh, what was the point? "Yes."
Lucius' free hand cupped the back of Severus' neck as he leaned closer. "That's why I want you. Here."
"That doesn't put me in the category of -- what did you call the snivelling lemmings…"
"The simpering lapdogs who come to me only because I'm Lucius Malfoy."
"Why is this any better?" Severus demanded.
"Because you don't simper," Lucius replied firmly. "And you're not an idiot. And you--" He paused a moment to think. "You're just different," he said finally. "No matter what I may ever say."
"What is it you want from me, Lucius?" Severus hesitated. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to ask. "From us."
Lucius closed his eyes for a long moment. After opening them again, he tried to speak, but nothing seemed to want to come out. Finally he just looked helplessly at Severus.
"Never mind," Severus murmured.
"I…" Lucius looked away. "When we're not screaming at each other, I do quite enjoy what time we've spent together."
"As you've said, we've done almost nothing but…" Severus gestured at the bed, unwilling to choose a term for the activity.
"Well, yes," Lucius admitted, "but I'm not just talking about the past few times we've seen each other. I meant, since we met."
"Even then. I don't really have any idea what it is you do for work. We don't know very much about one another's lives."
"I really had no idea you wanted to know about my life. You are certainly reluctant to hear about how I'm going to have to get married, or to listen to any details about any social events I attend without you."
Severus blinked a few times. "What did you think I wanted?"
"At the beginning, I thought you were just another boy who was willing to do anything I told him to do. And then, after you started to challenge the things I said or did…" Lucius frowned a little. "Severus, I genuinely had no idea what you wanted from me."
Severus thought that perhaps this was because he had no idea whet he wanted, either. "At the beginning I just wanted the experience," he said. That would come as no surprise to Lucius.
Lucius nodded. "I guessed that much. But, Severus…" He paused again, and took a deep breath. He glanced away. "I do rather enjoy the… challenges."
Severus tried to think about how to respond to that. This was a man who had erased his memories. He wasn't sure what challenges Lucius meant, nor what level of resistance he might have expected. And he also wasn't sure at what point Lucius would simply become bored with him.
"Sometimes," Lucius continued when Severus didn't say anything. "Sometimes, I say or do things because I know they will make you angry. You don't hide that from me and," Lucius traced the lines on Severus' hand, "I like that. It excites me."
"You like that," Severus echoed blankly. "That I get angry."
"Yes. That probably makes me a rather twisted person, doesn't it?"
"Did you like me smashing all your mother's china?" Severus countered.
"That went much further than I expected it to."
"Oh, you didn't expect that I might just… snap, one day?"
"I never thought that far ahead."
"It didn't occur to you that I might resent hearing about the woman you plan to--" Severus took a deep breath. "It didn't occur to you that you might succeed in making me truly angry?"
"No, Severus, it didn't."
"Why not?"
"I suppose I never really thought about it."
Severus thought for a moment. "I suppose it was a good thing that I reached for a teacup and not for my wand."
"Yes, Severus," Lucius said, and kissed the palm of his hand, "I should say so."
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 05:07 am (UTC)Must remember to post a better review when I'm not so bloody tired (and it took several minutes to correctly type even this much.. blasted fingers).
Loved.
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Date: 2004-09-15 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 06:37 am (UTC)Deeply.
The way that Lucius, causally, cruelly strikes at Severus, and Severus feeling and being trapped and only having his lover on loan ( and what devestating way to put it.) The Borken china. The cut hand, and how parents can hurt their children by gurting eacjh other. Lucius' non-knowledge of his feelings.
Agh. Agh!
Brilliant, as usual.
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Date: 2004-09-15 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 07:08 am (UTC)Seeing that Severus also is the only person who sees him as just Lucius, not a Malfoy or Slytherin really adds to the feeling that he is Lucius's only real haven from the world. Yet because of who he (Lucius) is he can't really register this fact or realize that his behavior is going to push the one person who really cares about him away.
I really like how you both didn't rush into this relationship but showed it gradually developing leaving us to read between the lines to reveal Lucius's growing feelings for Severus. I never thought I'd see the day I'd feel sorry for Lucius losing Severus but I think it just might happen...
Anyways enough of the rambling this was a wicked chapter! Can't wait to read some more =D *waits impatiently for more*
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Date: 2004-09-15 05:26 pm (UTC)Even Lucius seems to be able to admit that he is a twisted individual. What I have found absolutely fascinating about the incarnation of him that we have created is that he is always, always brutally honest. Everything he says is the truth; however, he doesn't say a single word of it without purpose, knowing it can get a reaction from anyone he says it to -- particularly Severus. He knows each and every button to push.
What's infinitely frustrating about their relationship is that I'm almost positive you're right -- Lucius had a good thing here, and he totally blew it. Gah, he's such a jerk *G*
And never fear -- there is, of course, more coming.
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Date: 2004-09-16 05:11 am (UTC)Its true though how even though he is the "villian" he's so blatently honest an ironically good but very powerful trait. Which makes it all the more harder to watch him screw up his one chance at love. But in the end you have to say its his own damn fault! Still can't help but feel a little sorry for the bastard =P
*grins* I wait impatiently for more ^^
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Date: 2004-09-15 02:52 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing!
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Date: 2004-09-15 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 02:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 05:39 pm (UTC)One of the beautiful things about JKR's world is how everything is from Harry's point of view, leaving so much room to play with the characters beyond his immediate circle (basically, Hermione and Ron *g*). Lucius has become a rather interesting entity in the world that
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Date: 2004-09-15 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 10:50 am (UTC)(Just a few Britpicks, since you seemed interested:
>a charm upon everything
a charm on
>and pick weeds
In British English, you can say "pull weeds" or "do some weeding"-- we use 'weed' as a verb as well as a noun.
>into the bathroom to wash up
to wash-- washing up is for dishes, washing is for people. Don't ask me why.
>grape jam
We don't have this. Raspberry? Blackcurrent?)
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Date: 2004-09-16 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 04:01 pm (UTC)