FIC: The Pack (Stargate: Atlantis AU) 9/10

[ashinae]

The Pack: A Stargate: Atlantis AU - Chapter 9
by ashinae and jay_linden
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10



"Sir?"

John stopped. He turned and looked at Lorne; he'd known, of course, that Lorne was nearby, but had hoped that he'd just sort of go away if John ignored him hard enough.

No such luck. "Sir," Lorne repeated, and approached somewhat cautiously. "Any luck?"

"No." John's voice was rough, like he hadn't slept in days. Which he hadn't. Everything in their quarters smelled too much like Rodney. After the first night he'd woken and reached for Rodney, but he wasn't there-- "No," he said, "we won't be going to this shrine."

Lorne looked down. "I'm sorry, sir." Then he looked up. "Effective immediately, I'm relieving you for the day. Sir."

"Excuse me?"

Lorne squared his shoulders and looked John right in the eye. "Take the rest of the day off. I'll take are of everything for you." He took a step closer. "Grieve, John. Give yourself the day and grieve."

John blinked and swallowed hard. Son of a bitch. What was he going to do with himself until tomorrow morning?

"John. Go," Lorne said, firmly. "You need to do that for yourself."

John's jaw worked. "Fine," he said. "Call if you need me." It felt good to say it, but he knew well enough that Lorne wouldn't. He didn't wait for a response. He turned and headed to his quarters. Jeannie would be here in the morning. He'd promised her--he'd promised her that Rodney wouldn't get hurt.

(No, John. You promised her that you wouldn't hurt him. You didn't do this.

He trusted me. He followed me.

You were ordered to go. This isn't your fault.

I'm supposed to take care of him. It's my duty to take care of him.

You stubborn bastard. One day you'll realise.

I love him too much.

There's no such thing.)

John stood at the foot of their bed. He didn't remember getting there. He felt numb all over. Then reached out and yanked; the covers came off. The sheets came off. He threw everything, including the pillows, into a heap in the corner.

That was probably as good a time as any for his door to chime. "Come in," he called out.

When the door opened, Mr Woolsey was standing there, looking awkward. Hardly unusual for him. "Colonel Sheppard," he said, looking inside and seeing the disarray. "Is... this a bad time?"

John turned and blinked at him. "No," he said, a bit hollowly, "no, I was just... Come in."

Woolsey still looked awkward, but it didn't stop him from coming inside and closing the door behind him. He stood there for a long few moments before he spoke again. "How is he?"

"Dying," John replied. "He's not Rodney any more and he's dying." He turned his head and looked at a photograph of the two of them that stood on the desk. Besides the fact that all their possessions were in the place, it was the only thing in the room that was a testament to their relationship.

It was two years old. Teyla had taken it. They had been on some mission or other--the details were fuzzy at this point--and as a village council needed to deliberate in private, they'd been ejected into the hallway. Rodney was taking a cat-nap against a wall; John was taking a wolf-nap against Rodney. His head with all its wild black fur rested on Rodney's leg.

"I'm sorry for intruding, Colonel," Woolsey said, after another too-long pause. "I just wanted... I wanted to offer, if there was anything..." He stalled out again and sighed. "If there was anything that I could do to help, I would. I wanted you to know that."

"Mr Woolsey, are you showing concern for the big bad wolf?" John turned back to look at Woolsey.

Woolsey met John's eyes without flinching or backing up. "We haven't always seen eye to eye," he said. "All right, to be fair, we've rarely seen eye to eye," he corrected. "We view the world from very different perspectives, you and I. Regardless of that, I have always respected you, and it isn't because you could tear me apart as soon as look at me if you felt like it. It's because of the man, the soldier, and the leader that you are. And I am truly and sincerely sorry that this has happened to Dr McKay... and to you."

John looked at him for a long moment. "We almost lost Rodney about two years ago. The incident with the Ancient device to help give them a kick in the pants for ascension. I assume you read the reports about that one." Without waiting for Woolsey's affirmation, he continued, "I'd left instructions for Major Lorne about how to handle me. It's not easy when a wolf loses a mate."

That was the first time since Woolsey'd come to Atlantis that John ever used the word 'mate' to refer to Rodney. The simple fact that Woolsey was here, right now, was acknowledgement that he understood exactly what was going on between John and Rodney. Not that John gave even the slightest bit of a damn whether or not Woolsey approved.

He took a breath. "And I'm sure you know what we went through with Lorne when Teyla was kidnapped by Michael. What I never told anyone was that he asked me to kill him if Teyla and their son died. Wolves literally go mad with grief, and to lose both a wife and a child--he'd never come back from that. He would have been a danger to himself and everyone in Atlantis."

Woolsey frowned, looking concerned, and not just for the danger to Atlantis. "We can make sure you and everyone else are safe," he said. "I know that I am the last person to know what is necessary in the case of a grieving werewolf, but Major Lorne and Ronon--"

"You don't understand," John interrupted. "I didn't realise it then, but I do now. I'd survive losing him. Of course I'd mourn--I'm not a monster. But my grief is nothing like Lorne's was. I feel numb, Mr Woolsey. Numb and detached and--" He paused and took a breath. "I'm the Alpha of this pack. I have the strength in me to survive losing Rodney and that--" He broke off again and his hands clenched into fists at his side. "There are moments where I could just rip this place apart with my bare hands, I'm so angry, but--" All these stupid, broken sentences. "I'm going to be fine and you have no idea how much that terrifies me."

Woolsey took a step closer, hand twitching by his side, as though he was about to reach up and touch John's shoulder, and then thought better of it. "John." Maybe he'd meant to say something else and didn't. Maybe he couldn't.

John was surprised to hear Woolsey call him anything but "Colonel". He blinked, looked down at him and thought, for a moment, that it looked like Woolsey was actually getting choked up at the moment. Dammit. John turned away, blinking rapidly. "Thank you for your concern, Mr Woolsey."

Woolsey knew a dismissal when he heard one. Still, just because he recognised it didn't mean that he had to obey. Richard Woolsey was not part of John Sheppard's pack, and he certainly was not a wolf. "I'm sure that I'm demonstrating my ignorance, and that if this was a legitimate idea, someone else would have mentioned it. Werewolves don't get sick. They heal. They aren't susceptible to parasites and infections. Couldn't... isn't it possible that you could..." Woolsey couldn't come up with the right phrasing.

John turned around and stared at Woolsey again. It took him a moment to reply. His hands shook and he shoved them in his pockets. "First, Rodney can't consent now, never mind ask. I've offered. I've told him that I would attempt it because he was able to accept the ATA gene therapy--it's a good chance he could actually survive the metamorphosis. But--he's not healthy right now. The chances of someone dying from any sort of illness or already heavily injured surviving are very, very small.

"When I was infected with the retrovirus, being a wolf didn't stop me from transforming into a bug. Being wolves didn't stop Colonel Mitchell or General O'Neill from falling sick from the Ori plague three years ago. I won't be personally responsible for killing Rodney. I owe him that much. Besides, if Keller won't allow us to take Rodney to this cave--" That was probably why Woolsey had come in the first place, John realised suddenly; Teyla and Ronon must have told him. "If she won't allow that, there's no way she'd allow me to attack him."

Woolsey nodded just once. "I understand. Please excuse my ignorance for asking in the first place--I hope that I haven't caused you more pain. It was not my intention to do so."

He'd never really be able to explain why, but for some reason those words hit John like a blow. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He was not going to show weakness in front of an ordinary human being. "I--thank you," he said hoarsely, eyes still closed.

"I'll leave you alone," Woolsey said quietly. "If there's anything... anything at all that I can do, I hope that you'll tell me." Another moment of hesitation and he took that last step forward, squeezed John's shoulder firmly, just for a moment, then turned and headed out of the room without another word.

As soon as the door closed, John dropped down to his knees on the floor, hands braced to keep from falling on his face.

He stayed like that for a long time, shaking in fear, rage, frustration. Eventually he changed, and the great black wolf found the sheets and blankets and pillows in the corner and curled up in them. He needed to try to sleep. Jeannie would be here in the morning, and he had to be strong for her, too.

***

Everything was so quiet. Of all the descriptions Jeannie Miller could have applied to Atlantis and its residents, quiet would never have been one of them.

Rodney wasn't there to greet her. Neither was John.

She was immediately escorted to John and Rodney's room. After the third time that they'd tried the door chime, Radek had contacted Woolsey to ask for authorisation to open the door.

Woolsey had granted it without so much as a moment of hesitation.

It was so, so quiet.

***

No one had tried to call John at all since Lorne relieved him. That's why the black wolf was snoring away on top of a pile of linens in the corner when Jeannie stepped into the room.

It took him a moment to realise anyone was there. He hadn't even heard the door chime, but he smelled a very familiar smell and after about ninety seconds, his eyes blinked open and he lifted his head.

Jeannie stood there for another moment or two, then came further into the room and settled down on the floor. Unlike Woolsey, even though John was in wolf form, Jeannie didn't hesitate to reach out to him, stroking the black fur standing up wildly across his shoulders.

He let out a sigh and put his muzzle down on his paws. He let her rub her hand over his fur for a while, then finally got to his feet--but only to shift closer. He put his head on her lap as he flopped down onto his side. He wasn't ready to talk, but he needed the comfort.

It couldn't wait long. But it could wait a little longer.

Another few moments and John sat back on his haunches; another heartbeat and he was a man again. He pulled a sheet over his lap. "Hi Jeannie," he said, hoarsely.

"Hey," Jeannie said softly. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he said, not meeting her gaze, "it's bad."

She swallowed hard, then stood up. "I'll wait outside for you to dress. Please. Let me see him."

John kept his head bowed. "I'm sorry, Jeannie," he said, brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

Again, she swallowed. "Please," she whispered. She couldn't break down now. Not yet.

Not now. Not now. Not now. A ragged, choked-back cry escaped John's throat. Not. Now.

Jeannie didn't even hesitate. A couple of steps, and she was across the room, pulling John into a hug. He was family. And they needed each other.

He couldn't speak. He wrapped his arms around her and let go, finally--he just let go. Let it out. He'd pull himself together; for everyone's sake. But he needed to let go.

***

"He looks so small," Jeannie murmured. Rodney wasn't a soldier, no. But the one thing her big brother had never, ever seemed to her, was small. And that's how he looked. Small and weak. And frightened.

John slipped his arm around Jeannie's shoulders. "I know," he said. He watched as Jennifer entered the isolation room to talk Rodney through the visit with his sister. "I'm so sorry, Jeannie."

She leaned against John. "I'm sorry too," she said, just for him.

"Dr Keller said she only needed a few moments," John murmured. "You can go down anytime."

She nodded, started to go, then stopped, reaching out for him. "Please come with me."

He looked surprised. "Really?"

"I..." She trailed off, then cleared her throat and tried again. "John, I need you there. So does he."

He smiled gently. "All right," he said. "I'll go with you." He took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

***

John was livid. He'd never in their few short years together been so blindingly angry with Ronon.

"You told her!" he shouted. "What possessed you to tell her? It was a done thing, Ronon. We'd made the decision. And you went over my head and over Keller's head. What were you thinking?"

"Jeannie deserves to say goodbye to her brother!" Ronon yelled back. "It was the right thing to do."

"You had no right," John said. "None whatsoever. It never should have happened."

"I did the right thing," Ronon said, "and if I'm going to be punished for it? Fine. I'll rest easy knowing that I'm helping Jeannie and McKay."

John took a step back. He was still angry, but--

"Please," Jeannie said softly, daring to touch John's arm. "Please, John. I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair, but at least you got to talk to him when he was still Rodney. I just... I just want to tell my brother I love him and say goodbye."

"Jeannie, there are Wraith on the planet, and Rodney can't consent to going," John said.

"I'll do it for him," she said, turning and looking John dead in the face. "I'm his legal next of kin."

John suddenly deflated, though his anger certainly didn't. He felt a fresh surge of it. Ronon had forced this. Living in the Pegasus Galaxy, and bound by werewolf custom--which was not legally binding--John didn't have a leg to stand on. He couldn't overrule Jeannie. He stared down at her, then took a step away from. "Fine."

"No--it's not fine," Jennifer spoke up for the first time in this conversation, staring at John. "We can't do this. It was a bad idea when we first talked about it, and it's a worse idea now." She couldn't even look at Ronon.

"He's dying," Jeannie said bluntly, "and the man in that room stopped being my brother before I got here. If there's a way that we can get there, and there's a chance it'll work, we're going."

"You don't have to come, Jennifer," John said. "It'll be dangerous. You can stay here. Maybe even get some rest." He looked back at her, then at Lorne, who remained still and silent.

Something told John that Lorne actually agreed with Ronon and Jeannie.

He sighed. "We're going. I'm going to go talk to Woolsey." He started to stalk from the room, then paused and looked up at Ronon. He looked back at Jennifer one more time before he met Ronon's gaze and said, very quietly, "I hope that this was worth it to you."

***

There was never any doubt in John's mind that the place was real; it was what it was purported to do that he had trouble believing. On the other hand, he was a werewolf who regularly fought space vampires. He'd been close friends with witches for five years now. So there was a part of him, the part that knew full well that magic existed, that believed. Of course, this had once been an original planet of the Ancients. It probably wasn't even magic, but science.

He reached out for Rodney's hand to help him into the cave as Teyla steadied him. "I've got him," he said, quietly, as he handed his weapon to Lorne. He didn't smell danger. The Wraith had no idea they were there. He slipped his arm around Rodney's shoulders and tried not to think about the way Rodney was sobbing. Quiet. Plantive. He was confused and frightened and it broke John's heart.

"Rodney," he said, "look at the waterfall. It's cool, huh?"

Rodney cowered--actually cowered--and shrunk away from it, seeking protection behind John. "Loud... loud," he said, flinching away from it.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, Rodney." John urged him away. Teyla, Jeannie, and Jennifer were near a column in the middle of the cave. Teyla found some markings and ran her fingers over them. Lorne joined her.

Jeannie and Jennifer were looking at an Ancient scanner together. Something about radiation. "Maybe we can ask Rodney in a minute," John said as he guided Rodney closer to Teyla and Lorne. "Let's take a look at this, Rodney. Teyla's found something neat."

"No," Rodney said, balking like a dog on a leash. "No, no, no--" He gasped loudly and looked up at John, looking him right in the eyes for a few seconds.

Right before he started screaming.

"Rodney!" John held him tight; felt Jeannie right beside them.

The screaming was definitely worse than the crying. It kept going. Again and again, a ragged breath, another scream. Jeannie's cheeks were covered in tears as she tried to soothe Rodney, tried to get him to stop.

And then he did stop. As abruptly as he'd started. Everything stopped.

***

One day indeed.

John made a mental note to lodge a formal complaint about why the hell would the Ancients build a radiation-spewing tablet that would shrink parasites, but then let the person afflicted with this illness die anyway, instead of building a radiation-spewing tablet that would actually destroy the damn parasites.

***

"All right," said John, "I've got an idea." He turned back to Jeannie. "Keep him as far away from this thing as he can stand. We'll be back in twenty minutes." He started to lead Jennifer out of the cave.

"Stop, sit, stay!" Rodney could really bark it out when he needed to.

It actually brought John up short. He turned around, calm as could be. "Yes, Rodney?"

Rodney folded his arms and glared at him. "Speak."

John glared at him. "I am not a puppy."

"Do not even start with me right now!" Rodney was working himself up into a fine tantrum. "I am damp, and in a cave, and that damned waterfall is making me feel like I have to pee, and now you two are whispering in corners and taking off without explaining? Not a chance. So speak, John. Right now."

John looked at Jennifer. She looked at him. And then clearly decided she was going to let him do the explaining--probably because she didn't think this was the best idea he'd ever had. "We're going back to the Puddle Jumper to get some tools and supplies so that Jennifer can get the parasite out," he said.

"Out," Rodney said blankly. "Out of my head. You have tools--in the Puddle Jumper--that Jennifer can use--in a cave--to get a parasite that was killing me just thirty minutes ago out of my brain?"

John looked around for support. Nobody seemed to want to get in the middle of their little spat. "Yes, Rodney," he said, raising his voice. "We're gonna do whatever we can to save you!"

"Using what, exactly? No--I want to know--what were you and Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman, about to run off to the Jumper and fetch?"

"Some more medical supplies," John said. "She'll be able to put you under, Rodney. And there are tools."

"Tools." Rodney glared even more at John, waiting for the rest of it.

"Rodney, we have to get that thing out of you or you're going to die," John said, trying to be reasonable. He looked around for support, hoping someone would back him up.

"I can do it," Jennifer said, giving him a look of confidence mixed with terror. "I think that the parasite has shrunk enough that--"

"You think," Rodney said flatly. "You think that you can get it out. You think that you do surgery in a cave, using whatever power tools John keeps hidden in the back of a Jumper. You don't know, though. You can't see properly with the scanner. This is all just... it's not even conjecture, it's just one big guess!" His jaw worked for a moment, and he shook his head. "No. No way. There's one more option." He straightened his shoulders and stared at John. "You turn me."

Up to that point, there was silence from everyone else in the cave.

At that point exactly, everyone started talking all at once--everyone, that is, except John. He stared back at Rodney.

"What? Just because I never asked for it, you think I never thought about it?" Rodney said.

John didn't know what to say.

Lorne said it for him. "McKay--Rodney. You may not survive that, either."

"It's been tried before," Jennifer said, still looking stunned. "With cancer patients, with people dying from all sorts of infections. It's very, very risky, and rarely works."

"I know that," Rodney snapped. "All the things that I've thought I was dying from over the years, you think I haven't thought of that?"

"Let Dr Keller try to remove the parasite," Lorne said. Sometimes it sucked being the voice of reason, but it was kind of in a beta's job description. "When you're better, then you and Colonel Sheppard can talk about the possibility of making the change. You might feel fine right now, but we know you're not."

"I am not letting Dr Keller try to remove the parasite," Rodney said, his voice even.

"Meredith, please, just--"

"No," he said, interrupting Jeannie. "No," he repeated, more gently. He took a deep breath. "I don't remember--a lot of the last few weeks are gone. I don't remember everything. But I remember enough. I remember how it felt to start slipping away. How it felt to be reaching for knowledge that should have been instinctive. I remember the looks on each of your faces when it started getting worse."

"None of us wanted to watch you die like that," Ronon said. "That's why we brought you here." He sounded impatient; he didn't like repeating himself.

"Yes, yes, I know, one blessed day, a quick and noble death," Rodney said, waving it off. They were wasting time. "So tell me this--what do you think is going to happen when Dr Keller does backwoods voodoo surgery on me with a hammer and a chisel and a knife pulled out of Ronon's boot? Assuming it works to some degree and I survive, do you have any idea how stupid an idea this is? How many things are likely to go wrong? The parasite might not be able to completely removed. The damage might not be temporary. I might get an infection from having brain surgery done on the ground.

"And do you know what the end result of all of that is, assuming I don't die?" Rodney looked around, looking at everyone. "That I spend the rest of my life as bad as I was before you brought me here, or worse."

"I imagine Dr Keller warned Colonel Sheppard of the dangers of infection," Lorne said, looking between the two of them.

"It's a risk, but I think it's one worth making," Jennifer said.

"You're not listening. No one is listening to me!" Rodney was starting to get truly angry now.

"We're listening, McKay," Lorne said. "Believe me, we are listening to you." There was a frustrated edge in his voice now, too.

Rodney blew out a slow and deliberate breath. "I saw all of your faces, and it wasn't just about the part where I was dying. It was seeing me, reduced to that. And you are asking me to consent to something where it's not just possible, it's probable, that I'll spend the rest of my life like that. Change me," Rodney said, turning to look at John again.

John started to look frustrated again. "Rodney, I can't do that to you! I cannot be responsible for killing you!"

"I am not going back to who I've been for the past few weeks, John," Rodney said. "Not again, and not permanently. I'm not doing that to myself, or any of you."

"I can't," John said. "I can't do that to you--I can't be the one to kill you!"

Lorne looked up at him. "And if Ronon or I try it, the chances of McKay's survival are considerably lower."

"No one's going to do that to him!" John shouted.

"You'd stay. Wouldn't you?" Rodney said, looking right at John again. "If Keller saved my life, but the damage was permanent, and I went back to the childlike idiot I've been since this happened. You'd stay, even if I was no longer myself. Even if this Rodney McKay was gone, and never coming back."

"Of course I would, Rodney." Wolves mate for life. There was no question.

"Yeah," Rodney said, and his voice was flat. "I know you would. You'd give it all up. All of this. You'd take me back to Earth, and we'd live off whatever kind of pension the military supplies for 'sorry that your brain got hollowed out by an alien parasite', and you'd never complain. You'd forget the person I used to be, because you'd be too busy caring for the person I'd become. And people would die, because of that decision. Here, in Pegasus, back on Earth, people would die because you turned and walked away from your responsibility."

He took a step closer to John. "And if you--if John Sheppard, Alpha wolf, of all people--can't understand why I'd rather take my chances, rather than face the probability of the two of us living that hell on earth... if you can't understand why I'd rather be dead than put either of us through that, then John... you really need to turn around and walk out of this cave, because you're not the man I've spend the best years of my life loving."

Did Rodney ever know how to push all of John's buttons. At the same time. It was like mashing on John's keyboard.

He swallowed hard. Took the few steps necessary to close the distance between them, took his face in his hands, and kissed him. Hard. In front Jeannie and Lorne and everyone. "You need to be sure," he whispered, against Rodney's mouth. Rodney's mouth; that crooked mouth that made him weak in the knees when Rodney used it against him. "You need to be sure and not afraid and you need to want this, Rodney."

"I'm sure," Rodney whispered back. "I'm not letting you look after a vegetable, and I'm not leaving you alone. I'm sure--I want this." He took a deep breath, and let it out. "And of all the things I'm afraid of that could happen today, doing this isn't one of them."

John kissed Rodney again, then turned and looked at Jeannie. "I'm gonna do it," he said, softly.

Jeannie looked at him, then back at Rodney, her eyes bright with tears. "I know," she whispered. "Mer... don't you die. Do you understand me? Don't you dare," she said, voice choked.

"I won't," Rodney said, going over to her and placing both hands on her upper arms, holding on tightly. "You've always told me I was the most stubborn person alive. Well... now I get to prove it."

John gave them their moment, watched them embrace each other and hold on tight. He and Lorne looked at each other for a long, long moment, then Lorne finally lowered his gaze. John repeated it with Ronon--and saw the flash of teeth, the quick grin, before Ronon looked away, too.

John started to unbutton his shirt. "Ronon and Lorne have to be here, Rodney, but the ladies need your permission."

Rodney nodded. He was pale, but he didn't look scared. "You have my permission," he said, looking from Jeannie to Jennifer, after a quick look at Teyla. He knew that Teyla'd stay--that wasn't in question. "You also have my permission, and my blessing, to stay outside if you don't want to watch this," he added, focusing on Jeannie. "I was at Ronon's," he added. "I made it, but it wasn't easy. You can't distract him, and you can't interrupt once it starts. You have to know that."

Jeannie nodded. She was just as pale as Rodney, but she did look frightened. "I'm going to stay," she said. "I want to be here for you."

"Okay... but don't throw up," Rodney said, managing to tease, just a little. "They frown on that."

She managed a choked-off little laugh and hugged him again. "I promise. I love you, Mer."

***

The black wolf paced. He whined. He paced some more. He leaned heavily against Jeannie's legs and looked up at her. He knew there was still blood on his face, but he thought it might make it worse if he licked it away, so he looked down. Over at Rodney.

Rodney was silent. Not just quiet--silent. Even the sounds of pain he'd been making had stopped, and his breathing was so shallow it was hard to tell he was breathing at all.

John began to pace again. He moved closer to Rodney, tentative, hesitant. He pressed his nose against Rodney's cheek, then stepped away again and circled around the cave before he returned to Jeannie again. He sat right at Jeannie's feet. He threw his head back and howled; Lorne and Ronon both closed their eyes. The howl was grief and loss and pain.

And then Jeannie gasped, and started. Even through her tears, she hadn't looked away from Rodney, not once. And Rodney'd just moved.

Another howl.

John hadn't heard Jeannie, but Lorne had. He started forward, dropped to his knees at Rodney's side, and felt a rush of relief.

Rodney was alive.

He moved again, wincing in pain, lips parting with a groan that quickly became a whine.

"Colonel," Lorne said, low and urgent. "Colonel. He's alive."

John's eyes met Lorne's. He looked up at Jeannie again and licked her hand, then went to Rodney's side.

Rodney was alive.

The whine of pain became a howl, distorted by Rodney's still-human throat. His wounds were closing, blood still staining the stone floor.

John whined softly. He kept out of the way of snapping jaws and extended claws as Rodney changed, but he never stopped watching. Not once. He stayed as close as he dared, hoping that Rodney would recognise his scent and be able to find some comfort in it.

It felt like it was taking forever.

Every time Rodney howled, every time he cried out in pain, it was a little less human... and a lot more wolf. The last time, before his entire body relaxed and he sagged back against the stone, panting for breath, there was nothing human left at all.

John shifted in closer to Rodney, then settled on his belly next to him. He started licking over Rodney's face, over and over again. Rodney made a whimpering, grumbling sort of noise... almost like he was protesting John's attempts to wake him up.

John grumbled right back at Rodney and he nipped lightly at his ear. This was absolutely no time for sleeping.

Rodney snapped his teeth at John in protest, then lifted his head, looking confused. He tilted his head to the side and looked at John, then down at his own paws.

He had paws.

Jeannie wiped away the tears that were still on her cheek, and took a few steps closer, before crouching down. "Mer?"

John lifted his head to look at her. And he grinned a wolfy sort of grin. Family. He licked Rodney's face again. Mine.

She laughed, even though she still had tears in her eyes. Especially when Rodney grumbled under his breath and bumped at John, trying to lie down and close his eyes again.

***

They might not have packed quite enough food for all of them, considering Rodney's appetite was now wolf-sized. Ronon found himself eyeing Jennifer's sandwich, and he knew that wasn't at all fair. "Okay," he said, trying to distract himself, "so here's my question. All the rest of us, as wolves, kind of look... like we do as humans. Hair colour and everything. So how come McKay is pure white?"

"He was blond as a kid," Jeannie said, ignoring the indignant noise of protest Rodney made and the way he started pushing at her with his nose, trying to get her to stop talking. "White blond when he was little, but still very blond even in his teens and twenties. It didn't darken until later."

"Huh," John said. "I had no idea, but he keeps insisting he just doesn't have any pictures to show me." It was getting cold; they had moved as far away as they could get from the source of radiation without putting themselves in danger of getting discovered by the Wraith, but he knew they couldn't stay much longer. He just wasn't quite ready to move on just yet. "Still--we must make quite the pair, huh, Rodney?"

Rodney grumbled at Jeannie, then plunked his chin on top of John's boot.

"You do realize that your room is going to be covered with white fur," Jennifer pointed out. "I had a white cat once, and I didn't have a single piece of clothing without it."

John rubbed at his face. "See, there's a reason I tend to stick to basic black a lot," he said. "And you would not believe the way he complains about my fur getting all over his clothes..." He leaned forward and tapped at Rodney's nose. "You make my life difficult, you know."

He growled at John, play-snapped at his fingers, then purposely rubbed his head against John's pantleg.

"You're a brat," John announced. He offered Rodney the very last bit of turkey from his sandwich.

Rodney took the turkey and licked John's fingers. Then he closed his eyes, like he was about to try for another nap.

John jerked his leg. "Nuh uh," he said. "Not until we're back in the Jumper. We've gotta head home soon."

Rodney whined and rolled onto his side, pinning John's legs underneath him.

John scratching at Rodney's neck. "C'mon. Up. Time to go home. Everybody out of the pool."

Rodney grumbled again.

"Oh, stop it," Jeannie said. "Unless you want Ronon to carry you."

Rodney was up and on his feet like that.

John laughed. "Magic words, Jeannie." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, without a second thought, then got to his own feet and stretched. "It's a long climb back down to the jumper, Rodney. You sure you don't want Ronon to carry you?" he teased.

***

Once again, Woolsey looked all choked up--this time, when John explained that the snow-white wolf at his side was Rodney. He was very pleased to have Rodney back with them.

And so was John.

As soon as they reached their quarters again, John shed his clothes. He changed back into a wolf and stepped up to Rodney, licking his face over and again. Home. Family. Mine.

Mine always.

He barked, once, then grabbed a corner of the blanket to drag it down onto the floor, using his paws to make it a nice lumpy, soft nest. He curled up, and looked expectantly up at Rodney.

The licking actually wasn't all that bad, at least while Rodney's wolf was at the fore, and his human wasn't getting to be in charge. Once the blankets were down on the floor, Rodney came over and flopped down next to John, wriggling in close.

John licked him again for good measure, then relaxed. He rested his muzzle on Rodney's paw, and closed his eyes.

Home. Mine. Forever.

***

John fell over, one arm dangling over the edge of the bed, the other draped over Rodney's chest, and his face pressed into the cool, cool pillow. He panted for breath. "Damn."

Rodney groaned, breathing as hard as John was. "God."

John lifted his head and looked at the clock. "Well. That was certainly a record for us."

"I think so, yes," Rodney agreed. "Seriously--there were things that you could have used that would have been way better recruitment tools than what you did tell me."

John dropped his head to the pillow again. "Well, yeah, but wasn't that a welcome surprise?"

"One of these days, I really am going to learn all of your secrets, Poodle," Rodney said, shifting so he could look at him.

John closed his eyes. "Okay, Pomeranian."

"Oh, don't you dare," Rodney threatened. "Hey. Speaking of secrets... or at least, speaking of things you don't know yet."

John tugged Rodney closer. "Yeah?"

"My sister has told me that you're required to make an honest wolf out of me, and we're expected to come to Canada and get married so that Madison can be a flower girl."

John was quiet a moment. Eventually he said, "'Kay."

"She's really pretty insistent upon it, and you know that the SGC isn't going to give ..." Rodney blinked. "Did you just say 'kay'?"

"Mmhmm."

"You... did hear what I said, right?"

"Yes, and I said 'okay'."

"You said... okay." Rodney paused on that for a moment. "My sister has ordered us to get married, and you said... okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you want to."

"If I..." Rodney's attack with a pillow came out of nowhere.

"Rodney!" John laughed and grabbed the pillow from him. "I'm serious!"

"All this time--I've been your mate all this time and not one peep have you said about getting married!" Rodney grabbed another pillow and swatted John again. "And now I finally tell you, and you say okay? That's all I get? Okay?" Rodney was laughing too, although he was trying really hard not to. "You're impossible!"

John grabbed that pillow, too. Both got dropped to the floor, and then he pounced on Rodney. Pinned him to the bed.

"Hey, McKay," he said, "you wanna get hitched?"

Rodney narrowed his eyes at John and squirmed. He still couldn't get free, but it was a lot fairer fight than it was before. "Try again--you are not from Arkansas," he scolded.

"How do you know?" John countered, grinning broadly.

"Well, you're not there now, so be a gentleman," Rodney shot back, giving John a Look.

John kissed the end of Rodney's rose. "Rodney, let's get married before your sister comes back here and beats us up."

"Okay... now, see, that's not romantic at all, but that's a proposal I can live with," Rodney said. And then he grinned. A wicked--no, evil--grin.

"Well, okay, then. Big gay werewolf wedding. In Canada." John settled at Rodney's side again. "My life is kind of weird, you know."

"My life has been entirely weird ever since the day I met you," Rodney said, tucking in close beside him, still grinning widely. "Oh--by the way? Jeannie's going to need your measurements."

"Huh? What? Why?"

"It's a big, gay, werewolf wedding, in Canada, of the Clan McKay," Rodney said. "She'll need to know what size kilt to get you."


| Chapter 10 |