Me. And stuff.

I don't know, exactly, what's happened over the past year. A lot of personal things, of course--struggles where I've always struggled, being homesick after returning to Calgary from seeing my parents and friends at Christmas, the writers' strike crippling TV, learning a bazillion new things in my job (career!), computer issues, feeling like fandom had become an overwhelmingly negative place.

I don't know, at this point, if I'll ever actually get caught up. I've lost touch pretty much with all of you, and that sucks. I'm trying--I'm always trying--and holy crap, have I ever written up a storm with linden_jay, who is my rock. I have not vidded; my desktop computer has decided it cannot handle it, and while my new laptop is capable of it, I have not the software with which to do so.

So I've posted a little fic, and I've been playing over at Citadel and City on the Make over at JournalFen. I've worked my butt off at work to get to the position I'm in right now. I've struggled through bouts of depression. I've discovered what it is like to live on my own and fend for myself, for short periods of time, as my aunt and uncle have gone away. I've struggled with my health and a pinched nerve in/near/around my left hip. I own a bazillion and a half fabulous pairs of glasses and sunglasses.

I miss everybody. And while I don't miss some of the meta, I've missed the sense of belonging I'd discovered in fandom. And it's not like I belong any better outside of it, either, which has made it all that much harder to be so very much on the outside of things now. That's probably half of what's kept me from diving back in--when you're gone for so long, how do you catch up? Where do you start?

I'm lying in bed with my laptop, stuck with a nasty cold that I've been fighting for nearly three weeks now, and feeling existential, or something.

Pardon my rambling.