ashinae: (Default)
ashinae ([personal profile] ashinae) wrote2011-10-28 07:15 am

(no subject)

I was bullied. I was bullied for being overweight and for being smarter than the other kids. I wasn't bullied for being queer. It's not outwardly obvious that I'm queer. But I am. And every time a public figure speaks out about their own struggles, about their own sexuality, about being an ally--it feels better. It helps.

I'm a twenty-nine year old woman living in the closet in my meatspace life. I can see Narnia from here. I work in an office surrounded by women. I live in a city that I don't feel will be entirely welcoming of me or an entirely happy place to live as someone who is not straight and I don't believe most of my family--especially my parents and siblings--will be supportive of me were I to come out. Sure, I can fake it. I am physically attracted to men. I can fake it. I can pretend that I could be happy in a relationship with one and get married and be "normal". But that's not what I want. That is not what I believe my future should be. I have opportunities in this country for equal marriage and an equal life, but my current situation holds me back and that hurts.

Every time another public figure--athlete, politician, musician, actor--comes out and talks about their own struggles, it makes me feel like things can maybe, one day, be okay. I cry tears of joy and relief and maybe just a little bit of a self-pity.

Every time someone tries to derail discussion about LGTBQ issues, I get angry. I get frustrated. I get sad and scared and it hurts like a motherfucker. Sometimes a discussion is just about homosexuality. Sometimes it's just about misogyny. Sometimes it's just about racism. Not all discussions are or need to be all-inclusive. Sometimes they are. But other times, a public figure--no matter their sexuality or situation--wants to talk about this one issue and I wish people would let them.
esteven: (Default)

[personal profile] esteven 2011-10-28 05:14 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs muchly*
creatrix: (Harley & Ivy)

[personal profile] creatrix 2011-10-28 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs*

(You're still in Calgary, yes?) Alberta is sadly not the best place to be anything but Heterosexual White Male. There are times--a lot of times, really--when I hate this province. I remember when Premier Klein theatened to use the notwithstanding clause (or whatever it's called) to keep same-sex marriage out of Alberta and... ugh. I know there's homophobia and such everywhere, but part of me still just really wants to move to BC. (Or Montreal, even though my French is minimal.)
ext_2408: (Default)

[identity profile] fiercy.livejournal.com 2011-10-28 06:44 pm (UTC)(link)
You are brave and wonderful. Thank you for saying this.

popkin16: (♥ close at hand)

[personal profile] popkin16 2011-10-29 12:06 am (UTC)(link)
*hug* I'm sorry, bb.

Awhile back I went through a sexual identity crisis, since I wasn't sure what I was - I knew I liked men, but did I like women as well? I just didn't know. I have a lot of friends of various sexualities, so it always makes me hyper aware of LGBTQ issues, and it really upsets me when people say negative things about the people who have those issues.

Have you ever gone to the It Gets Better website? It's so heartwarming.

[identity profile] caras-galadhon.livejournal.com 2011-10-29 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
*squishes* Aw, honey. I firmly believe Calgary -- and Alberta by extension -- is changing, and has been for a long time. So many people are annoyingly conservative, but there's a lot that aren't, and I think the winds are shifting, and that things are getting better. ♥ Either way, know that you know at least two people in Calgary who don't give a fuck what gender you love (and are just as happy to perv on talk about pretty women with you as men ^_~), what weight you are, and absolutely love that you're smart. *hugs* We love you, just the way you are.

[identity profile] linden-jay.livejournal.com 2011-10-29 06:31 am (UTC)(link)
I am so proud to call myself your friend. Just so you know.