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FIC - Absolutely Nothing Happened Today (Stargate: SG-1)
Absolutely Nothing Happened Today
by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ashinae
Rating: G/PG at the absolute worst. Possibly tamer than the show itself.
Word Count: approximately 3000 (!)
Spoilers/Warnings: none whatsoever. Gen, humour, silliness.
Disclaimer: SG-1 belongs to people who are not me.
Summary: P9S-182 is an innocuous world with a town right near the Stargate. There are three temples within walking distance. Everything, really, is exactly what it appears to be. Well, maybe everything except the local wildlife.
Notes: Thank you,helens78, for the awesome beta work!
Absolutely Nothing Happened Today
It was very large, for a rabbit, coming up perhaps to Sam's knee. It was covered in thick, auburn fur, and its ears had a feathery sort of quality. It made twittering, chirping noises, and its ears stood almost straight up when it sat on its haunches to watch them when they would stop.
"Go away," Jack would command. "Go on! Get. Shoo!"
The Rabbit of Unusual Size, as Daniel had decided to call it, merely cocked its head at Jack, twitched its nose, then scampered along at their heels as they carried on.
The five of them had been doing this for a few hours now. A handful of times, Daniel was almost certain the Rabbit of Unusual Size had decided it was bored of them, but as soon as one of them did something other than just walk along in silence, it would get very excited. It would twitter and run back and forth between them, and their feet -- certainly not trying to trip anyone purposely, despite causing Daniel to stumble twice.
The second time it happened, Jack reached out and grabbed Daniel's elbow to steady him. He appeared about to say something, but Daniel said quickly, "Don't shoot it. Or at it. It's harmless."
Jack looked at once offended and abashed. He looked to Sam and Teal'c, but they just turned to carry on along the forest path.
"I wasn't--"
"Yes, you were."
"How could--"
"Jack--"
"Daniel--"
"If I didn't know better," Sam's voice drifted back to them, as they had fallen more than a few paces behind, "I'd say it wants us to follow it."
Daniel and Jack looked ahead. The rabbit had run ahead, and had now stopped, sitting up on its haunches, ears twitching, seemingly waiting for them. As they had now paused, it ran back to them, circled around behind Teal'c, nudged at the backs of his legs, then ran ahead again.
"I think it likes you," Sam teased.
"Don't leave your new best friend waiting, T," Jack added.
Teal'c didn't dignify the remarks with a response. He was, however, still the first to resume walking, and Daniel hurried briefly to catch up. Another ten minutes or so passed, and Daniel was starting to think that the Rabbit of Unusual Size was trying its best to keep Teal'c's attention in particular. This wasn't lost on Teal'c, who commented, "It appears to be overfond of me," when the rabbit came towards him and gave his leg a playful headbutt. It looked up at him as if to say "Aren't I terribly clever and impossibly cute?"
"I think it's flirting with you," Daniel said, grinning helplessly.
Teal'c regarded him, silently, and his eyebrow rose. Before he could say anything, the Rabbit of Unusual Size chirped, almost indignantly, as if demanding Teal'c's attention again.
It was all Daniel could do not to laugh.
*
Eventually, they reached a clearing in the woods. This was where the locals had directed them: the edge of a vine-covered temple that looked a little worse for wear.
The people of P9S-182 hadn't ventured here themselves in two hundred years, according to both the magistrate and the archivist. Researchers hadn't been able to make enough sense of the writings within the now-crumbling temple to find anything inside, and there were two other, more co-operative temples within their country's borders. So they had simply given up, but hadn't discouraged SG-1 from checking it out. The archivist provided them with a map, and Daniel with the only text that provided the information from two centuries prior. However, no one had wanted to accompany them, which put Jack on edge.
Daniel was confident enough that it was just that this particular temple had been deemed "boring." And, besides, the Rabbit of Unusual Size had proven itself a perfectly useful guide.
While Sam and Teal'c stayed on the sprawling upper floor, Daniel was eager to delve deeper into the temple. Jack followed along behind him.
"Find anything yet?" he asked, as Daniel lightly traced his fingers over some symbols on the wall in front of him.
He turned and stared at Jack, blinked twice, then said, slowly, "It's been ten minutes."
"Is that all?" Jack said.
Daniel bit his tongue -- no use in arguing, or baiting, or talking at all, really. Several minutes later, he heard Jack sigh. "No, I haven't found anything yet, either," he said to stave off any more comments.
When Jack leaned against a wall and stared up at the dark ceiling, for a moment Daniel hoped the wall would give way to a secret room. He really wasn't finding anything of importance, and the deeper into the temple they went, Jack's air of annoyance and restlessness was growing more and more apparent. This wasn't his kind of mission -- no one had tried shooting at them at all -- and it seemed to be making him cranky.
It was well past noon -- at least, according to Daniel's watch and his internal clock -- when his stomach growled so loudly he figured they'd hear it back in town. He glanced at Jack, who promptly announced, "All right. Time for lunch."
"No, no, just a few--"
"Now, Daniel. C'mon. Time for some sunlight," Jack said, herding him through stone corridors and up some stairs and back to the temple entrance. "Isn't that better? You were looking pasty. Find anything?" he called out, over Daniel's protest to the word 'pasty'. They headed down the temple stairs to join Sam and Teal'c.
"Not much, sir," Sam called back to them. She was standing next to Teal'c, who was sitting on a large boulder.
"The rabbit has a family," he said, master of the obvious. The Rabbit of Unusual Size was upon his lap, leaning against his chest, gazing adoringly up at him. Twelve identical babies sat around his feet, also gazing up at him. "It also sheds a great deal." As Daniel stepped closer, he saw that Teal'c's black shirt and vest were covered in auburn fur.
"We found its nest on the other side of the temple," Sam said, pointing eastward.
"Wow," Jack said, deadpan, "what an exciting temple this is. I'll be sure to tell everybody all about it."
Daniel ignored him.
Sam scratched idly at her wrist, then reached out to pat the rabbit. "We searched through the first floor of the temple, but we really didn't find anything," she said. "We came back here -- the rabbits didn't want to go inside, and after an hour they started to make so much noise we thought someone else had arrived."
"Obviously no one did," Jack said.
Sam and Teal'c exchanged a glance.
"No, sir," she said, "no one did."
"It would appear that they merely wanted me to return," Teal'c said. He sounded as though he had no idea what to make of it.
"They herded him right here," Sam said. She scratched at her wrist again. "I'm not sure we're going to get to take Teal'c home with us. I think they've adopted him." Her amusement at Teal'c's situation -- or his "fan club" as Jack put it -- was infectious.
Teal'c suffered their teasing in silence. It was a useless battle, anyway. As Daniel, Jack, and Sam ate in peace, Teal'c had to struggle to keep his own food from the very inquisitive rabbit and its -- her? -- offspring.
Not long after he'd finished eating, Daniel was itching to get back into the temple. He practically inhaled his lunch.
"Did you even taste that?" Jack asked.
Daniel avoided the question, scratched at his neck, and said, "Well, I'm ready to get back to it..."
At this, Jack balked. "The researchers in town gave up on this place two hundred years ago," he said. "They never found anything useful."
"Exactly -- they gave up. They may have never looked in the right places."
Jack didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard that. "Not to mention the place looks like a stiff breeze could knock it over -- just look at the thing," he said, firmly, pointing at the temple, when Daniel protested. "And," he added, "General Hammond only gave us a twenty-four hour window. There are two more perfectly good temples on the other side of the country where you can delight in the treasures of the past and the mysteries of... the hell is that?" he muttered, poking at something on the back of his hand with his fingernail. He shrugged it off quickly, looked at Daniel again, and was visibly preparing himself for the onslaught of argument.
"They gave up," Daniel repeated. "Jack, there could be a treasure trove of information in there that can help us, or help this planet, and the people here are just looking for excitement."
"And God knows old things are so gosh-darn exciting," Jack said.
Daniel ignored that. "When we find something, we can report back, and then see about getting more time for the other two temples." Jack was unconvinced. Daniel glanced at Teal'c and Sam, who were regarding them with something akin to amusement but they weren't about to jump in and take away all their fun.
"No, Daniel. We're going to go check out the other two before we run out of time."
"We're wasting time by arguing about this."
"Exactly."
Oh, now that wasn't fair at all. So Daniel just dug his heels in, figuratively of course, and did his best to look resolute but not petulant. "There's also the part where they've spent two hundred years studying those other two temples and, yet, haven't found anything overly important there either. A few staff weapons, sure, and a broken healing device, and records of the Goa'uld who enslaved their people, and--"
"An hour," Jack declared. "All right? An hour."
Daniel smiled. He knew Jack would see it his way. However, "Well, maybe we could--"
"An hour, Daniel. Take it our leave it."
"Taking it."
Soon he and Jack were inside the temple again, and Jack was doing an almost-impressive job at being interested in what Daniel was talking about (he even threw in a few Oh, reallys with the Uh huhs). But when the hour was up, he was very, very insistent that it was time to pack up and go. In fact, he sounded downright agitated.
Daniel turned, flashlight shining directly at him. His argument was immediately derailed. "Jack -- what's that -- your face--"
"I could say the exact same thing about your neck." Jack scratched at his shoulder as Daniel's fingers dug at the side of his own leg. "I feel like I have the chicken pox. Once was more than enough."
Daniel nodded, about to agree, then sneezed violently. "All right," Jack said, taking Daniel firmly by the arm, "we're out of here."
This time, Daniel didn't argue. On their way up to the main floor, Jack had to stop halfway up the stairs. He yanked off his boot, and practically attacked the bottom of his foot. His language was very colourful; Daniel was faintly impressed, but then he stopped and strained to try to reach the middle of his back.
"Go, just go," Jack said, putting his boot back on but not bothering with the laces. He shoved at Daniel, who sneezed again -- and was for a moment briefly worried about suffering whiplash from it, until he was terribly distracted by the back of his neck.
Out in direct sunlight, he took a good look at Jack. His face and arms were covered in tiny red welts. And so was Sam, who quickly approached with Teal'c and a baker's dozen rabbits hot on his heels. Her eyes were red and watery and Daniel noticed her fists were buried deep in her pockets to try to stop herself from scratching.
She looked about to say something when she sneezed. Daniel echoed her -- up until now, he had been absolutely certain that he was the only one who suffered any allergies. The only difference here--
"Okay, kids, time to go," Jack said. "And you--" he added, pointing with his gun at the rabbit, "nice to meet you, but stay." He started to back away, and the rabbits did, in fact, not move. Sam and Daniel started following him.
And then when Teal'c, naturally not suffering at all, started to move, they all followed.
"No!" Jack said. "Bad! Stay."
"Jack," Daniel said. He sounded horrifically congested now. "They're not dogs."
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure they're what's making your face swell up like that."
What was there to say in response?
*
There was no losing the rabbits. Even Jack finally shooting at them hadn't worked. They followed SG-1 all the way back through the forest to the edge of town -- until they came across the field with the goatherd and his flock. As soon as the rabbits heard one of the goats, they turned tail and ran.
"Yeah, good riddance," Jack muttered.
The goatherd caught sight of them and hurried forward. He stared at them, aghast, his mouth open but seemingly unable to say anything as he took in the miserable sight of Jack, Sam, and Daniel. He seemed to come to his senses as soon as Sam sneezed. She wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve and sighed.
"Oh -- ah," the goatherd said. Daniel remembered, as he took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, that his name was Ivano. "The... the rabbits."
"Yes," Jack said. His mood was rapidly declining. "The rabbits."
One of the large, purple goats wandered up to him and nudged at his elbow. Ivano shooed it away, promising to feed it in a little while. "Let me take you down to Madlenka. She's our healer."
"Please do." Jack smiled tightly, cursed, and reached down to scratch at his hip.
Madlenka was a plump, short woman who bustled around them all like a mother hen. However, she was all business, having Ivano take Teal'c off elsewhere to do something with his fur-covered fatigues, and ordering the others to strip down to their underclothes. When there was hesitation, she rolled her eyes dramatically and pointed off to a screen, which Sam was guided over to by Madlenka's apprentice, Velika. Then the young woman hurried from the house at Madlenka's orders, to fetch something. Daniel didn't really hear what she was off to get; he was too busy thinking about not scratching indecent places.
In desperation, Daniel looked up at the ceiling and pondered recipes, as Madlenka started going on about the highly allergenic properties of some of the animals on this planet. There was something about the goat's milk acting as a natural antihistamine, and the properties of the peppermint-smelling ointment that she started slathering on them, and she may have been adding something about mud, but then Daniel and Sam and Jack all sneezed in succession and Daniel was really, really itchy.
When she was through with Daniel and Jack, Madlenka waved at them to sit on the bench at the table, and went off to tend to Sam. Jack sighed and looked at his now-glistening, red-spot-covered hand. "Wonder how Teal'c's doing," he said.
"Well, he seemed more than fine. If slightly annoyed."
"Where did Magdalene say that the girl was off to? I wasn't paying any attention."
"Madlenka. I'm not sure. I was trying not to think much."
"I usually try that."
Daniel grinned, then the door opened and Velika returned with Ivano and a few others, all carrying wooden buckets. Daniel was beyond embarrassed for his state of undress at this point. The women went off to behind the screen with their buckets, and the men set theirs down on the table.
"All right, gentlemen," Madlenka said, still all-business, "off with everything. Best just get this over with."
That's when the smell started to filter through. Daniel's eyes watered, and he didn't think it was from the allergic reaction. Now stark naked, he peered down into one of the buckets and then at Ivano. "Please tell me that's just mud," he said.
Ivano hesitated, then obediently replied, "It's just mud."
Daniel desperately wanted to believe him.
*
Apparently, it would take a few days to be clear of all the hives they'd broken out into, but the mud -- Daniel needed to believe he'd spent four hours caked in mud -- and Madlenka's ointment helped with the swelling and the itching.
Teal'c had come to join them all for dinner. He stood in the doorway for all of perhaps five seconds, got a good whiff of the place, and promptly apologised and walked out.
Madlenka and Velika kept them all company as they sat in very smelly misery for the afternoon and evening, and after they'd eaten, tubs were brought in for them to wash the mud off. Then clothes were brought in for them, and finally Sam joined Daniel and Jack again.
When they were all together again, once Teal'c was able to tolerate being around them, Daniel was suddenly struck by just how short the townspeople all were. There were several inches of arm and leg showing from the sleeves and the hems of Teal's pants; the same could be said for what Sam, Daniel and Jack had all been given to wear.
Though he now had an alcoholic beverage in front of him, Jack's mood certainly hadn't improved. But he didn't say a word; none of them did. They were due to head home in the morning, and it wasn't long after Jack had finished his ale that they all just silently agreed it was time for bed.
*
With the several-sizes-too-small clothes instead of their fatigues, and with Sam, Daniel and Jack still covered in red spots and the rest of their skin tinged brown from the mud, not to mention the smell, SG-1 stepped down the ramp from the Stargate.
"Absolutely nothing happened today, General," Jack said.
by
ashinaeRating: G/PG at the absolute worst. Possibly tamer than the show itself.
Word Count: approximately 3000 (!)
Spoilers/Warnings: none whatsoever. Gen, humour, silliness.
Disclaimer: SG-1 belongs to people who are not me.
Summary: P9S-182 is an innocuous world with a town right near the Stargate. There are three temples within walking distance. Everything, really, is exactly what it appears to be. Well, maybe everything except the local wildlife.
Notes: Thank you,
helens78, for the awesome beta work!It was very large, for a rabbit, coming up perhaps to Sam's knee. It was covered in thick, auburn fur, and its ears had a feathery sort of quality. It made twittering, chirping noises, and its ears stood almost straight up when it sat on its haunches to watch them when they would stop.
"Go away," Jack would command. "Go on! Get. Shoo!"
The Rabbit of Unusual Size, as Daniel had decided to call it, merely cocked its head at Jack, twitched its nose, then scampered along at their heels as they carried on.
The five of them had been doing this for a few hours now. A handful of times, Daniel was almost certain the Rabbit of Unusual Size had decided it was bored of them, but as soon as one of them did something other than just walk along in silence, it would get very excited. It would twitter and run back and forth between them, and their feet -- certainly not trying to trip anyone purposely, despite causing Daniel to stumble twice.
The second time it happened, Jack reached out and grabbed Daniel's elbow to steady him. He appeared about to say something, but Daniel said quickly, "Don't shoot it. Or at it. It's harmless."
Jack looked at once offended and abashed. He looked to Sam and Teal'c, but they just turned to carry on along the forest path.
"I wasn't--"
"Yes, you were."
"How could--"
"Jack--"
"Daniel--"
"If I didn't know better," Sam's voice drifted back to them, as they had fallen more than a few paces behind, "I'd say it wants us to follow it."
Daniel and Jack looked ahead. The rabbit had run ahead, and had now stopped, sitting up on its haunches, ears twitching, seemingly waiting for them. As they had now paused, it ran back to them, circled around behind Teal'c, nudged at the backs of his legs, then ran ahead again.
"I think it likes you," Sam teased.
"Don't leave your new best friend waiting, T," Jack added.
Teal'c didn't dignify the remarks with a response. He was, however, still the first to resume walking, and Daniel hurried briefly to catch up. Another ten minutes or so passed, and Daniel was starting to think that the Rabbit of Unusual Size was trying its best to keep Teal'c's attention in particular. This wasn't lost on Teal'c, who commented, "It appears to be overfond of me," when the rabbit came towards him and gave his leg a playful headbutt. It looked up at him as if to say "Aren't I terribly clever and impossibly cute?"
"I think it's flirting with you," Daniel said, grinning helplessly.
Teal'c regarded him, silently, and his eyebrow rose. Before he could say anything, the Rabbit of Unusual Size chirped, almost indignantly, as if demanding Teal'c's attention again.
It was all Daniel could do not to laugh.
Eventually, they reached a clearing in the woods. This was where the locals had directed them: the edge of a vine-covered temple that looked a little worse for wear.
The people of P9S-182 hadn't ventured here themselves in two hundred years, according to both the magistrate and the archivist. Researchers hadn't been able to make enough sense of the writings within the now-crumbling temple to find anything inside, and there were two other, more co-operative temples within their country's borders. So they had simply given up, but hadn't discouraged SG-1 from checking it out. The archivist provided them with a map, and Daniel with the only text that provided the information from two centuries prior. However, no one had wanted to accompany them, which put Jack on edge.
Daniel was confident enough that it was just that this particular temple had been deemed "boring." And, besides, the Rabbit of Unusual Size had proven itself a perfectly useful guide.
While Sam and Teal'c stayed on the sprawling upper floor, Daniel was eager to delve deeper into the temple. Jack followed along behind him.
"Find anything yet?" he asked, as Daniel lightly traced his fingers over some symbols on the wall in front of him.
He turned and stared at Jack, blinked twice, then said, slowly, "It's been ten minutes."
"Is that all?" Jack said.
Daniel bit his tongue -- no use in arguing, or baiting, or talking at all, really. Several minutes later, he heard Jack sigh. "No, I haven't found anything yet, either," he said to stave off any more comments.
When Jack leaned against a wall and stared up at the dark ceiling, for a moment Daniel hoped the wall would give way to a secret room. He really wasn't finding anything of importance, and the deeper into the temple they went, Jack's air of annoyance and restlessness was growing more and more apparent. This wasn't his kind of mission -- no one had tried shooting at them at all -- and it seemed to be making him cranky.
It was well past noon -- at least, according to Daniel's watch and his internal clock -- when his stomach growled so loudly he figured they'd hear it back in town. He glanced at Jack, who promptly announced, "All right. Time for lunch."
"No, no, just a few--"
"Now, Daniel. C'mon. Time for some sunlight," Jack said, herding him through stone corridors and up some stairs and back to the temple entrance. "Isn't that better? You were looking pasty. Find anything?" he called out, over Daniel's protest to the word 'pasty'. They headed down the temple stairs to join Sam and Teal'c.
"Not much, sir," Sam called back to them. She was standing next to Teal'c, who was sitting on a large boulder.
"The rabbit has a family," he said, master of the obvious. The Rabbit of Unusual Size was upon his lap, leaning against his chest, gazing adoringly up at him. Twelve identical babies sat around his feet, also gazing up at him. "It also sheds a great deal." As Daniel stepped closer, he saw that Teal'c's black shirt and vest were covered in auburn fur.
"We found its nest on the other side of the temple," Sam said, pointing eastward.
"Wow," Jack said, deadpan, "what an exciting temple this is. I'll be sure to tell everybody all about it."
Daniel ignored him.
Sam scratched idly at her wrist, then reached out to pat the rabbit. "We searched through the first floor of the temple, but we really didn't find anything," she said. "We came back here -- the rabbits didn't want to go inside, and after an hour they started to make so much noise we thought someone else had arrived."
"Obviously no one did," Jack said.
Sam and Teal'c exchanged a glance.
"No, sir," she said, "no one did."
"It would appear that they merely wanted me to return," Teal'c said. He sounded as though he had no idea what to make of it.
"They herded him right here," Sam said. She scratched at her wrist again. "I'm not sure we're going to get to take Teal'c home with us. I think they've adopted him." Her amusement at Teal'c's situation -- or his "fan club" as Jack put it -- was infectious.
Teal'c suffered their teasing in silence. It was a useless battle, anyway. As Daniel, Jack, and Sam ate in peace, Teal'c had to struggle to keep his own food from the very inquisitive rabbit and its -- her? -- offspring.
Not long after he'd finished eating, Daniel was itching to get back into the temple. He practically inhaled his lunch.
"Did you even taste that?" Jack asked.
Daniel avoided the question, scratched at his neck, and said, "Well, I'm ready to get back to it..."
At this, Jack balked. "The researchers in town gave up on this place two hundred years ago," he said. "They never found anything useful."
"Exactly -- they gave up. They may have never looked in the right places."
Jack didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard that. "Not to mention the place looks like a stiff breeze could knock it over -- just look at the thing," he said, firmly, pointing at the temple, when Daniel protested. "And," he added, "General Hammond only gave us a twenty-four hour window. There are two more perfectly good temples on the other side of the country where you can delight in the treasures of the past and the mysteries of... the hell is that?" he muttered, poking at something on the back of his hand with his fingernail. He shrugged it off quickly, looked at Daniel again, and was visibly preparing himself for the onslaught of argument.
"They gave up," Daniel repeated. "Jack, there could be a treasure trove of information in there that can help us, or help this planet, and the people here are just looking for excitement."
"And God knows old things are so gosh-darn exciting," Jack said.
Daniel ignored that. "When we find something, we can report back, and then see about getting more time for the other two temples." Jack was unconvinced. Daniel glanced at Teal'c and Sam, who were regarding them with something akin to amusement but they weren't about to jump in and take away all their fun.
"No, Daniel. We're going to go check out the other two before we run out of time."
"We're wasting time by arguing about this."
"Exactly."
Oh, now that wasn't fair at all. So Daniel just dug his heels in, figuratively of course, and did his best to look resolute but not petulant. "There's also the part where they've spent two hundred years studying those other two temples and, yet, haven't found anything overly important there either. A few staff weapons, sure, and a broken healing device, and records of the Goa'uld who enslaved their people, and--"
"An hour," Jack declared. "All right? An hour."
Daniel smiled. He knew Jack would see it his way. However, "Well, maybe we could--"
"An hour, Daniel. Take it our leave it."
"Taking it."
Soon he and Jack were inside the temple again, and Jack was doing an almost-impressive job at being interested in what Daniel was talking about (he even threw in a few Oh, reallys with the Uh huhs). But when the hour was up, he was very, very insistent that it was time to pack up and go. In fact, he sounded downright agitated.
Daniel turned, flashlight shining directly at him. His argument was immediately derailed. "Jack -- what's that -- your face--"
"I could say the exact same thing about your neck." Jack scratched at his shoulder as Daniel's fingers dug at the side of his own leg. "I feel like I have the chicken pox. Once was more than enough."
Daniel nodded, about to agree, then sneezed violently. "All right," Jack said, taking Daniel firmly by the arm, "we're out of here."
This time, Daniel didn't argue. On their way up to the main floor, Jack had to stop halfway up the stairs. He yanked off his boot, and practically attacked the bottom of his foot. His language was very colourful; Daniel was faintly impressed, but then he stopped and strained to try to reach the middle of his back.
"Go, just go," Jack said, putting his boot back on but not bothering with the laces. He shoved at Daniel, who sneezed again -- and was for a moment briefly worried about suffering whiplash from it, until he was terribly distracted by the back of his neck.
Out in direct sunlight, he took a good look at Jack. His face and arms were covered in tiny red welts. And so was Sam, who quickly approached with Teal'c and a baker's dozen rabbits hot on his heels. Her eyes were red and watery and Daniel noticed her fists were buried deep in her pockets to try to stop herself from scratching.
She looked about to say something when she sneezed. Daniel echoed her -- up until now, he had been absolutely certain that he was the only one who suffered any allergies. The only difference here--
"Okay, kids, time to go," Jack said. "And you--" he added, pointing with his gun at the rabbit, "nice to meet you, but stay." He started to back away, and the rabbits did, in fact, not move. Sam and Daniel started following him.
And then when Teal'c, naturally not suffering at all, started to move, they all followed.
"No!" Jack said. "Bad! Stay."
"Jack," Daniel said. He sounded horrifically congested now. "They're not dogs."
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure they're what's making your face swell up like that."
What was there to say in response?
There was no losing the rabbits. Even Jack finally shooting at them hadn't worked. They followed SG-1 all the way back through the forest to the edge of town -- until they came across the field with the goatherd and his flock. As soon as the rabbits heard one of the goats, they turned tail and ran.
"Yeah, good riddance," Jack muttered.
The goatherd caught sight of them and hurried forward. He stared at them, aghast, his mouth open but seemingly unable to say anything as he took in the miserable sight of Jack, Sam, and Daniel. He seemed to come to his senses as soon as Sam sneezed. She wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve and sighed.
"Oh -- ah," the goatherd said. Daniel remembered, as he took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, that his name was Ivano. "The... the rabbits."
"Yes," Jack said. His mood was rapidly declining. "The rabbits."
One of the large, purple goats wandered up to him and nudged at his elbow. Ivano shooed it away, promising to feed it in a little while. "Let me take you down to Madlenka. She's our healer."
"Please do." Jack smiled tightly, cursed, and reached down to scratch at his hip.
Madlenka was a plump, short woman who bustled around them all like a mother hen. However, she was all business, having Ivano take Teal'c off elsewhere to do something with his fur-covered fatigues, and ordering the others to strip down to their underclothes. When there was hesitation, she rolled her eyes dramatically and pointed off to a screen, which Sam was guided over to by Madlenka's apprentice, Velika. Then the young woman hurried from the house at Madlenka's orders, to fetch something. Daniel didn't really hear what she was off to get; he was too busy thinking about not scratching indecent places.
In desperation, Daniel looked up at the ceiling and pondered recipes, as Madlenka started going on about the highly allergenic properties of some of the animals on this planet. There was something about the goat's milk acting as a natural antihistamine, and the properties of the peppermint-smelling ointment that she started slathering on them, and she may have been adding something about mud, but then Daniel and Sam and Jack all sneezed in succession and Daniel was really, really itchy.
When she was through with Daniel and Jack, Madlenka waved at them to sit on the bench at the table, and went off to tend to Sam. Jack sighed and looked at his now-glistening, red-spot-covered hand. "Wonder how Teal'c's doing," he said.
"Well, he seemed more than fine. If slightly annoyed."
"Where did Magdalene say that the girl was off to? I wasn't paying any attention."
"Madlenka. I'm not sure. I was trying not to think much."
"I usually try that."
Daniel grinned, then the door opened and Velika returned with Ivano and a few others, all carrying wooden buckets. Daniel was beyond embarrassed for his state of undress at this point. The women went off to behind the screen with their buckets, and the men set theirs down on the table.
"All right, gentlemen," Madlenka said, still all-business, "off with everything. Best just get this over with."
That's when the smell started to filter through. Daniel's eyes watered, and he didn't think it was from the allergic reaction. Now stark naked, he peered down into one of the buckets and then at Ivano. "Please tell me that's just mud," he said.
Ivano hesitated, then obediently replied, "It's just mud."
Daniel desperately wanted to believe him.
Apparently, it would take a few days to be clear of all the hives they'd broken out into, but the mud -- Daniel needed to believe he'd spent four hours caked in mud -- and Madlenka's ointment helped with the swelling and the itching.
Teal'c had come to join them all for dinner. He stood in the doorway for all of perhaps five seconds, got a good whiff of the place, and promptly apologised and walked out.
Madlenka and Velika kept them all company as they sat in very smelly misery for the afternoon and evening, and after they'd eaten, tubs were brought in for them to wash the mud off. Then clothes were brought in for them, and finally Sam joined Daniel and Jack again.
When they were all together again, once Teal'c was able to tolerate being around them, Daniel was suddenly struck by just how short the townspeople all were. There were several inches of arm and leg showing from the sleeves and the hems of Teal's pants; the same could be said for what Sam, Daniel and Jack had all been given to wear.
Though he now had an alcoholic beverage in front of him, Jack's mood certainly hadn't improved. But he didn't say a word; none of them did. They were due to head home in the morning, and it wasn't long after Jack had finished his ale that they all just silently agreed it was time for bed.
With the several-sizes-too-small clothes instead of their fatigues, and with Sam, Daniel and Jack still covered in red spots and the rest of their skin tinged brown from the mud, not to mention the smell, SG-1 stepped down the ramp from the Stargate.
"Absolutely nothing happened today, General," Jack said.